Turn Back Time

3:00 AM

It hurts

Jae Yeol pushed into his house with stuttering breaths, hands trembling as he slammed the door behind him. His shaking palms fumbled with the locks, the hard metal cold against his sweating skin. Everything was falling apart, and he didn't know how to handle it. His grip, his body...his heart. It was all crumbling to pieces. Slipping through his fingers like sand in an hourglass. Eventually he gave up on locking the door properly, instead pushing it hard enough that it stayed in place.

No one would know. No one would visit anyway. They were all there.

With them...

With him.

His chapped lips let out a choked sob at the thought, and before he knew it, his body was trembling with held back tears. No. He couldn't. He had to stop. He needed to be happy for them...for Hyung. But he couldn't. He couldn't god damnit. He couldn't.

It hurts

He pushed himself off the wall, forcing himself to move. To go anywhere before his legs could give out on him. They were already so unsteady. So wobbly that he barely made it to his room. He needed to go somewhere. Anywhere that could shut him away from the pain of reality. What better place for that than his own bedroom? It had been his go to for vulnerability all these years, it could be it again. Jae Yeol's teeth bit down harshly on his bottom lip, a futile attempt to keep any wails from escaping his throat. He had been doing that all night. Tearing and chewing at his own mouth as he watched them laugh on the dance floor. They looked so happy. So lost in each other. So in love. He couldn't take it.

Not without hurting himself with pain and alcohol.

In retrospect, that was probably another reason it was so hard to walk without crumbling to his knees. But he knew the main cause of it, and he was desperately trying to avoid it. Fortunately, he did manage to reach his room, and he slammed open the door with an injured shoulder. That pain was the only thing that wasn't from himself, but Vasco. The tattooed gang leader, bless his soul, had attempted to stop Jae Yeol's fleeing form with his famous squeeze of death. Out of concern, most likely, but his effort wasn't welcomed at the time. Almost immediately Jae had knocked his arm away with his own. The shocked and wounded look on Vasco's face had hurt Jae Yeol's heart, but his emotions were too deeply in shambles for him to even try to apologize.

Instead he had taken the opportunity to run as far as his legs would take him, and currently, they only needed to take him to bed.

The force from his shoulder resulted in the door banging against the wall, and for a second he cringed with worry for the pups. He hadn't seen them yet during his moving breakdown, and he hoped his sudden entrance hadn't hurt any of them. Luckily, those fears were quickly put to rest once he spotted them slumbering on his bed. Or at least, they were. The loud noise had understandably startled them awake, all four looking at him with as much concern as dogs could show.

They were full grown now. Large and fashionable and loved. Looking at them now, Jae Yeol found it a bit silly that he used to be scared of them. Without Hyung Suk giving him the opportunity to be a pet owner, he would've never gotten over his fear of canines. It's insane to think that those tiny pups were now healthy and happy adults. The years had been kind to each and every one of them.

If only the years had been kind to Jae Yeol as well.

With shaking palms, he ran his hands through their fur. The feel of their soft locks was smooth and comforting, but he could tell they knew he wasn't well. Not in the heart or the mind. Despite their presence helping him, he had to cut their time short. He wanted, no, he needed to be alone right now. Away from both humans and animals. The slight physical affection gave him the temporary strength he needed to shoo them out of the room, sending them towards the kitchen where their food bowls were waiting. As soon as their patting feet were inaudible, he closed the door, this time being sure to lock it properly.