Falling

You make me weak,
Girl you stand out from the crowd.
You are so strong,
Never let life get you down.
I can't go on
Pretending I don't see,
Just how good I'd be for you
And how good you'd be for me.

Dec sat on his bed thinking about the lyrics he'd have to record with Ant tomorrow. They were so true. Only that for him there was a boy who stands out from a crowd and not a girl. Yes Declan Donnelly was gay and he was falling in love. Falling in love with a boy who was his best friend. There was only two problems. First, his family would probably disown him if he came out and secondly Anthony McPartlin wasn't gay. He has a girlfriend. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to fight against this feeling creeping up deep inside.

And it doesn't matter how hard I try,
You can't suppress this feeling, this feeling inside...

Dec felt tears coming. He hated feeling like this. He always thought that falling in love with someone special would feel really nice. He imagined it to be the best feeling ever but this was awful. Why couldn't he just be like everybody expected him to be? Why couldn't he have fallen for a girl? It would have been so much easier. But now, Dec didn't know what to do. Should he tell Ant about his feelings and risk losing his friendship and with that his career? Should he tell his family about being gay and his feelings for his best friend and taking the risk of being disowned? But if he would be disowned where would he go? If he went to Ant he would have to explain everything and he couldn't do that could he? Maybe he could just tell Ant about being gay and leave his feelings out. There were so many questions creeping up he didn't know the answers to and he couldn't stop the tears anymore.

I think I'm falling,
Boy, I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you.
Doesn't matter what you say,
doesn't matter what you do,
Baby, it's true.
I'm falling for you I'm falling for you.
You know how much I care for you...

After a while Dec was exhausted from crying and fell asleep. Anne who hadn't heard anything from her sons bedroom went to look for him. When she saw him curled up on the bed and asleep in the middle of the day she got worried. Something wasn't right with Declan and she was going to find out what. So when Dec woke up again and went down into the kitchen Anne asked if she could talk to him for a moment.
"Decky. Pet, are you alright?"
"Aye mum I'm fine, why?"
"Well you see I found you curled up and asleep earlier and I just thought that's not like you so I wanted to know what's bothering you."
"I'm okay mum. Nothing for you to worry about. It's something I have to figure out for myself. You can't really help so there's no need worrying you by telling you, is there?"
"Why don't you try? Maybe I am able to help or at least make it a little bit easier for you? I am after all your mother."
Dec thought about telling her the truth because he knew she wouldn't stop before she knew what's up but the problem was how to tell her.

Sometimes in life,
You can search forever more.
Searching for love,
Never able to be sure.
Be sure your heart,
Won't be broken up inside.
'Cause inside the realm of love
there's nowhere to run or hide...

"You know mum, I... I'm falling in love with someone and it's so hard because that person will never love me back."
That went well Dec thought. He told his mum his problem but she didn't know that it was a boy he was in love with. Hopefully Anne would let it go now... But like every mother would, she didn't.
"But honey did you tell her that you like her that way? Maybe she feels the same. I mean you're a lovely boy."
What should he do now? Lie and let her believe that it was a girl he was falling in love with or tell her the truth and risk being thrown out?
"Mum can I... Can I tell you something? Something personal?"
"Of course you can pet. What is it? Is it about this girl you like?"
"Aye, well kind of. You see mum it... It's not... Oh god this is so hard to say... Mum I'm falling in love with a boy. It's not a girl... I'm gay mum."