Coming home for Christmas

Your love will keep me warm

Merry Christmas everybody. :)
This story is for anthonyanddeclan who suggested this prompt on tumblr.

Lost in thoughts I stared out of the window, watching the scenery flying by. I leaned my forehead against the cool glass and closed my eyes, exhausted. I wondered whether this was the right thing to do. To turn up there, unannounced. No matter how close Dec and I were, I was still pushed my way into his sacred family-time.
Maybe I should have stayed at home.

But wasn't this the original reason why I even set off? Because I couldn't stand being home alone? A warm moisture on my hand and a soft whimper made me open my eyes and I corrected myself silently. Almost all alone.
„No, of course you were there," I murmured and stroked Hurley's head. "We're almost there, little guy."
Hurley laid his head on my leg and growled contentedly. I let my hand glide through his fur, while thinking back on the last few days.

Usually me and Dec would go back home to Newcastle for Christmas and spend it with our families. Sarha would be there with her husband and kids and my mum would make the most amazing Christmas dinner. This year though, Sarha would spend Christmas in the Swiss Alps. She had always wanted to go and learn how to ski and so her husband had made this trip her Christmas present. What Sarha didn't know, when she told me about her plans was that I had given his Mum and stepdad an early Christmas present and they were about to go off on a cruise the day before Christmas. So that meant, I would be spending Christmastime alone in London. I didn't see a point in going back home, when no one was there.

Of course I couldn't keep it from Dec and he immediately asked me – us – to come along with him to his family. But I turned that offer down.
Christmas was time for family and with my mood... they didn't need a Grinch. On top of it all I didn't want to cut into the time Dec had for his family only. I was, after all, the reason why Dec and Ali split and I didn't want to push my way into this as well.

And yet I was doing just that right now.
I have been on this train for more than seven hours now. Because my guilt was eating me up inside. With my vehement refusal I had managed to get Dec to give in and by doing that hurt and disappointed him. Even though it wasn't meant to be against him or his family, but just about not wanting to get them down with my mood. I wouldn't be able to act like everything was perfect, when inside I just felt awful. I hadn't even seen Sarha or Mum before they left and so it would be months probably before I would see them again. I didn't really know what to do with myself now that all traditions had gone out the window and the worst part of it all – Dec had to suffer because of it. He didn't deserve that. Not my Declan. My rock. My support. The other half of my soul.

And that's why I was on this train. I had to tell him that. And I... I could just use a hug. I wanted to bury myself in his arms. Wanted to be held so that everything would be alright again. Because that's what his closeness, his hugs did. They warm you up and they push away the darkness inside of me.
So I bit my lip and closed my eyes. Now it was too late and I had to go through with this.

The next stop was announced. It was my destination. So I folded up Hurley's blanket, put it into my bag, grabbed my jacket and put on my hat. After a last look back, to check if I had packed everything, I grabbed Hurley's leash and walked towards the door, where I stood waiting for the train to stop. Hurley sat beside me. I held Hurley back by his collar, put my suitcase onto the platform and then allowed Hurley to follow me. When the train had left the station again, me and Hurley set off towards the exit. I took a look at my phone and decided that we would walk the rest of the way although it was dark. Both me and Hurley needed the fresh air and the exercise.

After some time, we reached a familiar residential area. Soon we will have reached our destination. Then all I had to do, was getting myself to ring the bell and hope that I hadn't made the biggest mistake in my life – that I never should've come. Much too soon for my liking I reached the Donnelly home. I walked along the hedges and finally reached the little gate. And now, here I was.