problems. (stenbrough)

one

stanley uris

       i hate when mama asks me to go to the store. it's not that i'm lazy or don't want to do things to make her happy, it's just, the outside world is so messy. everything is messy. regardless of whether i liked it or not, i dragged myself out of the house, 'cause i would do anything to make my mother happy.

       the town of derry wasn't too big. i only ever drove my car when i needed to go across town, or to school when it was cold outside, but today it was warm so i decided to walk. the walk to the store was just as horrible as i'd imagined. it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have this stupid condition. it made everything so much more difficult. the walk should've been only ten minutes long but took nearly thirty-five. every step i took had to be counted out loud in sequences of three: one two three, three two one, one two three, three two one, and so on.
    
       i had to walk in the grass because the gum on the sidewalk bothered me. not only had the gum previously been in someone's mouth, but it was just scattered random, with no pattern or order! i don't even want to mention the lines on the crosswalk, their uneven and far from straight appearance gave me shivers, so i merely avoided the crosswalk as a whole, taking the next block instead.

       it didn't make sense. how could every other person keep on living their life normally when there's so many things that are wrong? seeing all of these disordered occurrences made my heart race.

       when i finally arrived at the store, i pulled my sleeve over my hand to avoid touching the handle to the door. just imagining how many people have touched that handle without ever washing their hands made me nauseous. i grabbed one of the sanitation wipes located next to the shopping carts, thoroughly cleansing the handle to the buggy, before strolling into the main part of the store. i whispered the counts to myself, quiet so no one would be bothered by my repetitive numbers.

       i tried to make the trip as quick as possible. before i left the house, i asked mama to make a list of everything she need so that i wouldn't feel like i'd forgotten anything, even though i never forget. luckily, there weren't many items she needed, so the shopping didn't take too long.

       when i made it to the check-out counter, i tried to avoid looking at the desk for longer than necessary, for i didn't want to get even more unsettled if the counter was messy, like any other counter that'd i'd seen. although, i couldn't help but look at it, for i had to set my items on top of the counter so that the cashier could ring them up.

       the cashier seemed nice, although the only words we exchanged were related to my purchase. he didn't say much, which i assumed was because of his stutter. somehow his stutter was one of the things that didn't bother me. maybe it was the softness of his voice, or the way he made it sound so natural. he seemed clean as well, which of course i enjoyed. his pants looked freshly ironed and his light colored shirt was completely free of stains, wrinkles, and smudges.

       there were very few things i found attractive, and to be completely honest, he was probably the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen. i wish i knew his name, but sadly it was a family-run business so they weren't exactly important enough to wear name tags, i guess, even though he seemed the most important thing to me at that moment.

       the walk home wasn't too bad. as always, i had worn my bookbag, allowing me to put the bags in there instead of straining my arms with the weight of the groceries. i didn't notice it at the time, but the thoughts going through my head of how nice it would be to see that cashier again distracted me from the disorganized world.