THE LOVE I NEVER HAD

I loved a girl. She was my classmate in elementary, high school, and college. She was one of my closest friends. She hated me when she found out that I liked her. She was my first love. But we were not lovers then. My heart broke when I heard the news that she was getting married. I texted her the night before her wedding. I confessed everything why I loved her.

I felt relieved that she knew why I loved her even if she was angry with me. The next day was her wedding day. It was held in a Church in Cebu city which was a 30-minute ride from my office. My classmates in high school texted me if I would go to her wedding. I replied to them that I was busy with my work though deep inside I wanted to go and see her in her wedding dress. That day was a long day for me. I had a lot of thoughts what if I courted her way back in high school. Would she love me? Could I make her happy? And so on...but it was already too late! I just wished and prayed that she would be happy with her husband. Her happiness was enough to console me of the love I never had.

She went to her husband's country a few days after her wedding. By the way, she married a foreigner. I never heard of her after. I tried to search for her on Friendster (Facebook was not yet created that time) but failed to find her. I moved on with my life and kept busy with my work just to forget about her. A few years later, we had planned a reunion with our batch in elementary. One of my classmates informed me that she would be home in time of our reunion. I immediately filed a leave of absence from my work to attend our reunion. When that day came, I was so nervous and excited to see her. I went to the venue earlier and thought of how to start a conversation with her. If I would talk to her about her married life. If she was happy. If she still hated me after all these years. A lot of thoughts came running in my mind that time. What if she would ignore me? Would I approached her and said sorry? Or it's better for me to just be silent and happy that I saw her. But our reunion had started and she never came.

  I woke up early the next day and went to Alturas to buy peanut kisses for my office mates. I was praying that I could see her there before I go back to work. But she was not there. I finished shopping, packed my things and went back to Cebu. She stayed for a month before going back to her husband's place. I kept busy with my work and at the same time searching the web for her name. Facebook was very popular that time. I tried to search her name there and I was so happy that I found her. I immediately clicked the friend request button and waited for her confirmation. But six months had already passed and there was no confirmation from her. I decided to delete my request thinking that she still hated me. I planned to request her friendship again after two months. I resigned from my job in Cebu and went home. I applied as a part time college instructor in our alma mater and got hired. Since my scheduled classes were in the afternoon until early evening, I had a lot of time surfing the net. I sent a friend request to her again on Facebook and hoped for her confirmation. 

 A few days later, she accepted my friend request. I could not contain my happiness that day. I made sure that I would be the first to like her posts on Facebook. This was my chance to show her that I care. She went home again with her husband and their child. Due to my work schedule, I did not see her. I heard from her best friend that she would enroll her child at one of the pre-schools here for that school year. She was very supportive with her child's school activities. She even posted a video of her child dancing energetically and I could see how happy she was. The following year was our grand alumni homecoming. I was very excited to see my elementary classmates again and to meet the woman I loved since Grade 6. When I went to the school for the grand alumni parade, she was there having fun taking selfies with some of our classmates. I was tongue-tied and my heart beat faster just like when I first fall in love with her. My classmates asked me to join them for a group picture before the start of the parade and I obliged. I joked that we could not fit in the picture anymore because we were very healthy already. And they laughed. We enjoyed the whole-day activity with food, wine and spirits, karaoke, dancing, chatting with old friends, reminiscing our elementary years, and of course sharing the life we had after 26 years. I would look at her from time to time. She was still the woman I knew since then. I asked her best friend to asked her if it's okay to have a picture with her. And she agreed. I forgot if we had a picture of just the two of us or with our classmates. But what really mattered to me was to be with her in a photo. I had the best day of my life that day.

I love her.
I really do.
I chose this life.
I have no regrets.
I realize that it's never too late to love again.
I am moving on now.
Please stay with me as I write the next chapter of my life.
With all of my heart, thank you!

-victor-