Seedling

flower

n. (flou-er) a plant, considered with reference to its blossom or cultivated for its floral beauty

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"you're on in five minutes," you informed me.

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i took a deep breath. it never got any easier. the final five minutes were always the most frightening.

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you took a can, shook it, and released its contents. the stiff air clung to my hair, helping it keep its shape. i checked in the mirror for any flaws i had overlooked. there were none on the surface.

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"alright, honey. let's go get that trophy!" you patted my back affectionately, but i could feel your burning desire to win through my bedazzled, turquoise dress.

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"i have a chemistry test tomorrow."

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"don't worry about that. i'll make up some excuse, so you can take it later. we've been through this before, honey."

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i didn't want to go through it again. "but, we'll just keep pushing it back until my teacher exempts me. i won't learn anything."

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"honey, that's what college is for. you can learn in college. we're doing this so you can have enough money to go to college."

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you lied to me. i understood. you thought you were clever, trying to hide the true reason for my hours of rehearsing answers to recite to the judges and the dollars wasted on sequined dresses that I would never wear more than once. college wasn't on your mind. you got lucky and had a pretty child. my teenage years were the perfect time for exploiting that fact.

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"i'm so far behind."

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you looked at me with confusion. "what do you mean? you don't go on for two more minutes."

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"in school. i'm behind in school."

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"oh, honey, you don't need to worry about that. i'll take care of the test."

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i hated it when you called me honey. honey, sweet nectar that added flavor to other foods. no one ever ate honey by itself. it didn't have enough substance to be eaten on its own. i didn't have enough substance either.

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i cried. "i want to take the test. please, don't make me go out there."

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you observed me for a minute. for a moment, i thought i witnessed compassion enter your eyes, but i was mistaken. "honey, you've gotten yourself all worked up for nothing. you're lucky you wore the waterproof mascara. come on, dab your eyes and let's go."

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you handed me a napkin and i took it. i shut off my tears and wiped them away one by one, careful not to smear my makeup.

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"don't forget, turn for the third time after the music stops. not before. you always forget that. okay, honey?"

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i stood up and dropped the napkin into the waste bin. you beamed at me. "okay." i put on my heels and followed you out the door. it was time to be pretty.