Summer Rain

You know that I always admired you, always looked up to you... I never could defeat you and still that was not a reason for me to give up, but to always keep on fighting, to always want to be better. Not that my efforts had any effect...

Still, I loved the time together. The Shogi games, in which often I was sure I would win till I realized that I had fallen into a trap. When I had to accept defeat again, you smiled and said: "One day maybe, Shintaro..." It was an honest smile and just like the Shogi game I loved it.

You also showed me your honest smile when we played basketball together. It has been way too long...

But sometimes you also showed me your other self. And with its appearance your honest smile disappeared. You became absolute and after winning a game of Shogi you did not say "One day maybe..." It became natural for you to win - even more natural than it had already been.

I felt how you moved away from me, even though you stood directly next to me. There only was the "other".

I missed you a lot in this time. Your smile, your silent appreciation when I succeeded in one of my throws, the shared Shogi games, the conversations - I never found someone again with whom I could share such conversations... I could continue the list forever. When you left you left behind an emptiness that always made me painfully aware of the fact that you were not the person that I had known before.

Having lost your friendship hurt. And it still hurts even though I am not alone anymore. I have found friends, but they can not replace you. There is still this void, that accompanies me wherever I go.

I still remember too well that one day in the summer of our third year. Do you remember? That we had just won an important game and it started to rain as we went home? It was a warm rain, one of those wonderful summer rains that do not let you freeze but instead fill the air with an atmosphere as just those rain showers can do it.

We said goodbye to the others and walked another bit together and while the setting sun and the rain created an incomparable atmosphere, we kissed.

Looking back, I think it was because of the atmosphere, but whatever drove us to the kiss, it has been burned into my memory. Even today I still can feel your lips on mine when I think back to it.

It was not a very long kiss, but after it you again smiled one of your incomparable smiles and I returned it.

Nothing like that happened ever again and the next day you left and the other You took your place.

I really missed you this long time.

Welcome back, Akashi.