some things never change (even when they hurt)

"Consequences"- Camila Cabello

Dirty tissues, trust issues

Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you

Lonely pillows in a stranger's bed

Little voices in my head

Camila sighed and dropped her head, dragging the tissue across her face in a futile attempt to get rid of the remaining mascara that was smudged against her cheeks after a good session of whole hearted crying. She had been holed up in the tour bus for almost three hours at this point after a certain concert with the girls which had revealed to her a information about Lauren's personal life that she had not wanted to know. The kind of information that she skipped meals to avoid and the kind of information that she rendered herself deaf with the volume of her music in order to avoid.

She remembered it too vividly in her head. The winking, the smiling, the almost nauseating amounts of happiness that seemed to radiate off the one person she had ever wanted in her entire life. All because of some girl who wasn't her.

Lucy Vives had been an almost permanent installment in their lives ever since she and Lauren had reconnected back in 2014, and Camila hated it. Lucy had been the root of their problems for a while now, which wasn't to say that Lauren had only began to play with Camila's trust after Lucy came into the picture, but life would've been a lot easier without Lucy in the picture.

Her trust issues stemmed from the fact that Lauren threw her around like she was a rag doll, worth nothing more than the clothes on her back and the kidneys in her system. Camila used to be a rather happy person, trusted almost everyone who came into her life, and she remembered a time where there were no complications in her life. A time where if Lauren told her she loved her, Camila would really believe it.

She doesn't remember the last time she heard that phrase as anything more than a lie though.

And even now, as Camila kept herself shut off from the rest of the world, from the girls who had been trying for the longest time now to get her to be her old self, Lauren seemed to not care. To skimp out on the promise she had made Camila all those years ago, to always put the younger girl first, to never disrupt their relationship over someone else. And yet Camila was more than sure now, that if she called Lauren and asked her where she was, she would say she was out on a date with Lucy.

Camila sighed and stood up, moving across the slightly larger and comfier space of their current tour bus, a definite upgrade from the cramped space during their first tour where they were practically living on top of each other. Granted, back then, they had been in a good enough place in their relationships to be on top of each other without also wanting to kill each other. Now though, Camila was on the verge of moving into a whole new bus just to avoid the awkwardness.

When she made it to the sink, her eyes immediately fell on the glass that was placed right next to it, and Camila's heart dropped. The scent of alcohol coming from it was strong, and she was sure that if it was any closer to where she was sleeping, she would be able to smell it the whole time.

Her fingers reached out and traced over the smudged lipstick stains that sat around the corner, and Camila smiled wistfully, knowing that there was only one person that that shade of lip color could come from as the other girls had sworn off a color that strikingly red. Maybe this was the closest Camila could ever get to Lauren's lips again, and she was savoring the moment, even if it was against the forlorn backdrop of the fact that Camila was alone again, and Lauren had left evidence of her sorrows that she was drowning in alcohol.

"Don't get hung up on it, it's really nothing big."

Camila whipped around almost immediately, hand coming away from the glass like she had been touching molten lava instead of the chill material it was. Her hand felt like it was on fire, matching the feeling in her face, embarrassment crawling up her skin like roaches. She didn't mean to be caught admiring the glass of the one person she missed by the person she missed.