The mask I wear

Warning!! This story is about the subject depression, don't read if you're not comfortable with stuff like that.

As I stood on top of the building,  I looked down while the cold wind blew past me. The wind was playing with my hair and I closed my eyes,  I spread my arms.  That's it,  soon I will  to do it,  i will just jump down and it will all be over.... Why can't I just jump, why is it so hard! I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at the road beneath me. "why can't I just jump!" I said to myself and sat down on the building I was standing on, I started to cry and crawled away from the edge.

Soon after I stopped crying I stood up. I wasn't going to back down now. The wind was strong and I was ready to do it.  My feet were on the edge of the building and I spread my arms slowly.

They say,  your life flashes before your eyes when you die.....

"hey buddy!" hunk was my friend,  my bro,  my buddy! We did everything together.  But now those times are over.  He found a girlfriend,  her name is pidge. He forgot about me.... "I can't hang out Lance sorry,  I'm hanging out with pidge" he stopped calling me his buddy,  we grew apart,  and I was all alone... He forgot about me he left me! I had no one! He knew I needed him! But that's okay..... He will be happy now,  right?...

"Lance stop flirting with me,  I told you I'm not interested. " and then you have allura,  she was my 'crush' or should I even call her that... Always pushing me away,  but I kept trying. "Lance leave me alone!" allura shouted at me.  Maybe i went to far, no... It's not 'maybe I went to far' I just went to far... I should have just left her alone. She was beautiful,  but that beauty won't be mine.  I hope she will be happy, now I won't be in her way anymore,  right?...

"Lance, I already told you that you won't understand it,  so why would I bother explaining" pidge..  She's a very smart girl.  Also very beautiful, still she can get pretty grumpy. I admire her,  she is perfect for hunk.  Smart,  brave and she loves his cooking.... Just the perfect couple. "Lance you won't believe what hunk made me,  look these cookies are delicious!" I like her and all but... I wish she was out of the picture. She called herself my friend but I felt different about her. without her there hunk would have never left me... I hate her.... But, I'm happy happy for her and hunk... That's all that matters,  right?...

"Lance, I told you how to do it a 1000 times why don't you understand it yet!" coran,  my tutor...I just gave up on school,  I should have just said 'yes I understand' but I couldnt.  It's not that I didn't understand him,  it's just that I didn't want to understand him,  it's just that I wanted to fail school and fail life,  make everyone hate me so they wouldn't miss me.  "Lance,  you are doing great don't give up hope,  just practice and you will get better." always a sweet smile always trying to help me with school,  I'm grateful but... I just didn't want to learn anything,  I was done with life. I hope he finds someone else to teach and that he forgets me,  that isn't a bad thing to want,  right?...

"hey Lance, nice to see you again" shiro,  my upperclassman. Always nice and perfect and then you have me.... He gets all the girls by doing nothing,  girls will just avoid me and when I try to flirt it's just a cold 'no' without thinking.  "Lance I can see you're feeling down what's wrong. " always trying to help others,  always worried about them not caring about himself. He was the only one who saw right through my mask! My fake smile... I just didn't like him for that reason.... I tried to avoid him... But he always came back... And when I yelled at him saying he should leave me alone,  he left me alone.  People started looking angry at me after I said that,  but it wasn't a bad thing I did,  right?...

"Lance,  you're worthless go die!" and there is was stupid keith guy. Always telling me to 'fuck of' or 'go die'. He was always mean, he was the bully type of kid you see in every school. I don't know why but being around him gave me a save feeling even though he told me to die,  I could feel he was kind, I could feel somehow that he would care.... Or maybe I was wrong.  "why don't you go hang yourself! You bisexual piece of shit!" he found out.. And made fun of me,  yes I was bisexual and I made the biggest mistake in my life.  I fell in love with a jerk like him. Keith and his stupid 'crew' just trying to be cool! I'm just dumb,  dumb and fucked up in the head.  How could I think he would be a good person,  but it isn't wrong to fall in love with a jerk right?...

There is one thing I regret most in my life. saying "I love you" to keith,  well not saying it just whispering it.  That jerk laughed and told the whole school, that was 2 days ago.... I just can't have anymore of this drama in my life,  everyone hates me so no one should care!

.... It did, my life did really flash before my eyes,  but then why,  why....didn't I die?! Why did he save me!

I felt something warm,  it was holding my hand "Lance don't do it" a voice said with a soft tone. "I can see the mask that you have been wearing,  I know what it feels like,  please don't leave this world!" i opened my eyes and looked down at the ground below me, I looked up and saw keith.  Tears were falling of his cheeks.  Keith was holding onto my arm,  it hurts to be held up by my arm but somehow for the first time I was glad to be alive. Keith had saved me just in time. If he had been there 1 second later i would have been dead. Keith pulled me back onto the building,  the. He just suddenly kissed me I was so shocked and confused I didn't know what was happening. Keith was kissing me?!  "k-keith?" I said in confusion.  His kiss felt warm and gentle,  I never wanted this moment to end.

Kith slowly pulled back.  "why did you save me keith?! I thought you told me to go die!" I said in tears.

Keith smiled gently and wiped away my tears.  "I'm sorry I have been a jerk I didn't mean any of it, when I realised you were wearing a mask I knew I messed up, I'm sorry.... I should have never bullied you or anyone else.  I don't want you to fight alone I know how you feel I have been there,  I have worn my own mask,  but I'm still here... And I can't let you go,  because I fell in love with you but was to afraid to tell you because I thought you were lying and making fun of me.  Lance I love you, I want to be with you forever,  I can dream about that,  right?... "

This is my first ever one shot I have written and I just want to say that if you have depression,  you're not alone in this.  I have been dealing with it and if you ever need help you can talk to me. I want to support you,  and show you,  that you can do it! And that you care and matter!
-twinkletwink

PS.  Sorry if there are spelling mistakes in the story.  Anyways I hope you like it.