Bernie~chan shuffled across the bustling city streets, his head hanging low and his eyes blinking away tears. The person he thought he loved, Jane O'Meara Sanders, had just said he was worthless. She said she never wanted to see his face ever again. She said his stupid smile and annoying hair was too much.
Why is love so painful? Why did she turn her back on him? He had never been more upset in his life...
As he walked along, he accidentally bumped into a tan man, with bright blue eyes and a devilishly handsome combover. He recognized him- Donald Trump, the U.S. president. Bernie had a special hatred for this man, since he won the presidency over him. There's still a chance I can win, Bernie thought, using Bernie Math ™.
But... in the dreadfulness of rejection, Bernie thought Donald looked kind of cute, glaring at him as Bernie fell onto the sidewalk.
"What are you doing?" Trump sneered, his eyes glaring like daggers.
"A-ah.. sorry!" I stumble back onto my feet, quickly walking past him. I felt my blood rush to my cheeks. I bounced along the sidewalk the rest of the way home, sloppily smiling at how hot Donald Trump~chan looked.
~~
He lied down, sprawled across his old 80's style couch, eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream while binge watching soap operas. "Jane is such a jerk," he mumbled to himself. Why did he marry her in the first place? She was manipulative, rude, a liar...
He sobbed into his ice cream, the sounds of sorrow echoing throughout his tiny apartment. Tears fell onto his fluffy carpet, staining it with sadness.
Just then, he heard a knock on his door. It was... Donald~chan!?!
"D-donald, why are you here?"
"hey dood i wanted to apologize for being a big shit lol"
"Oh, ok!" Bernie replied calmly. Donald suspiciously looked beyond Bernie into his trashy apartment.
"you live here? man u broke af"
"Y-yeah, it's just a permanent stay. My wife left me for a guy named Chad," Bernie stuttered, his gaze far off into the distance. Fuck you chad you stole sonia away from me she loved me and you and your dumb hair FUCKING took her im so upset i hope you step on a lego
Bernie suddenly tripped and fell, knocking over Trump onto the floor into that dumb anime position every schoolgirl does with her crush. He blushed heavily. They stayed silent for several long seconds.
"Uuu! sorry Donald~chan..." He stepped up, breaking the awkwardness.
"are you a fucking weeb."
"yes. you fucking chad."
"oh ok." Out of nowhere, Donald Trump pushed Bernie agains the wall and planted his lips onto his mouth forcefully. First he was reluctant, but he started to passionately make out with Donald soon after.
"Aaah! D-donald~senpai!!" Bernie squealed. "You are so much better than Jane... or sonia I hate you sonia I'm so upset why did you leave me"
And then, Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders lived happily ever after, forgetting Jane and Melania. They lived as the first beautiful gay couple in the White House.
AND SONIA NEVER TALKED TO ME EVER AGAIN AND NEVER TRIED TO GET BACK WITH ME EVEN THOUGH SHE BETRAYED ME FOR CHAD
