Pivotal Moments (School Shooter)

Perfect Pictures

As I sit here in the back of the police car, I think about all of the moments. The pivotal moments that led me to this very spot, that led me to the exact place I stood, eighteen minutes ago.

The first pivotal moment happened when I was six years old...

March 17th, 2004

I still remember the first time it happened. I was sitting in my room, playing with crayons and trying to colour within the lines. I had almost finished my perfect picture, then I heard a loud thump, followed by my parents screaming voices. I got such a shock that my crayon veered off the page, how mad I was that my perfect picture was now ruined.

My three year old brother came running into the room, "Josh! Josh! Mama and Dada are fighting!" he cried, looking at me with his huge, innocent, tear filled eyes. He looked at me as though I was an adult, despite only being six years old. But for that moment, perhaps in his eyes, I was.

I sprung up, "It's okay Lukey" I whispered, taking his little hand and sitting him down on my bed, "It's okay. Mom and Dad are probably just arguing about adult stuff, it's okay. Wait here,"

With that, I left him sitting there and slowly crept out of my bedroom and down the stairs. I could see my parents in the living room, yelling and throwing things, then I saw something that was perhaps my first step on my destructive path...

My dad raised his hand and slapped my small, fragile mother across the face. Then he did it again and again. Each slap created a more deafening sound than the last, each deafening echo was met with a scream and cry from my Mother.

After a minute of this he stopped and let her small body fall to the ground. Ignoring her cries, he stormed into the kitchen, picked up his keys, then walked out the front door.

But for the briefest moment, just a moment, his eyes met mines. I saw something flash through his eyes when he looked at me. Up until I turned nineteen, I didn't really know what it was that flashed through them, but thinking about it now, perhaps it was sorrow.

Perhaps he knew that on that day, he took my childhood away. Because on that day, my Father didn't just destroy the way I saw him...

He also destroyed my perfect picture of my entire life.