Just Smile

Music plays as the doors open, my eyes stay on him, standing at the altar. I wear my white dress and try to make it through without shedding any tears. Seeing everyone smile makes it hard, feeling my heart beat against my chest. Everything I hear fades out, hearing only the signals going off in my head, telling me to run before the vows that are to come are said. But I ignore them and smile, not wanting to ruin this beautiful day for the one I love.

I then focus all my attention on the one walking down the aisle. A smile on his face, oh how I wish that smile was for me. And his eyes, I want them more than anything to look at me. But no, all that is for the man standing at the altar.

My mother walks him down the aisle, giving him away since his parents would rather go through World War III than watch him marry a man. At least his sister showed some courtesy into showing up for his wedding.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this couple," Tears slowly slide down my cheeks, one by one. Knowing it's all too late to stop this, to just run away. But a smile remains on my face, hiding how my heart is slowly breaking to pieces.

"If anyone can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let them now speak, or else hereafter forever hold their peace." As silence dawns, I listen. Hoping someone will speak out instead of me, but no voice is heard not even mine. Having my own words stuck in my throat, choking me of all the things I wish to say. Silence is the only thing met.

"Nathanial Williams, will you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance? Will you love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?" The priest continues. The mask I wear slowly breaks.

"I will," Nate answers with a loving smile, showing me how he loves my best friend. Showing me that I'm not the only one who loves him, slipping the ring that'll bind them forever on his finger. The priest then looks at the one who holds my heart.

"And will you, Samuel Johnson, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance? Will you love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as you both shall live?" I look at the marble floor, trying not to break more than I already have. Hearing the words that crashed the last bit of hope I had to the ground.

"I will." My Sammy answers. The words echo as I try to make sense of them when I already knew, like trying to find some relief in them. But none is found. I lift my head, only to see Sam slip a similar ring on his now husband's finger.

"Forasmuch as Nathanial and Samual have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God, and thereto have given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, and by joining hands; I pronounce that they are married. In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen. You may kiss the groom."

Nate wraps an arm around Sam's waist, pulling him close. I try not to turn away when the kiss comes, clapping along with others. All I can really do is smile.