I have to say, it's been a while since I have been truly sad.
There've definitley been times when life has gotten me down. For instance--when I overslept and missed swim practice, or when my show ended, or when my best friend didn't call me back. But you know what? Those are just little bumps in the road.
Last year, I thought I could change the world with my words. I really thought that I could calm depression, quiet the cruel words of bullies...but I realize now I had it all wrong. I think how you interpret your own words is how you can change the world. It's changing your outlook on life. If you want to be happy, then you should be. If you want to be joyful, then you should be. Life is not about changing the road, but walking across it, even when the terrain is difficult.
I've found ways to make the journey easier. Music helps. They're like buying the right kind of walking shoes for the trail. Writing music is a way for me to let go. Sometimes, I have to wait a while after something happens for me to be able to write a song about it, but I guess that's healthy. It needs to be a part of my life for a little while before I let go, because it's those little parts that make us who we are. I've immersed myself in wonderful people. I love people that make me laugh and that are intelligent. It's fascinating to discover the wit and lovlieness of another individual.
Happiness is a thing that I've pondered for a very long time now, and I've found that I do not want to be happy. I want to be joyful. Happiness is short-term, it's merely pleasant. But joyfulness? That lasts an eternity. Joyfulness is taking hardships and molding them into your past and personality; joyfulness is gloriously accepting the awesomeness of your own existence. And I don't really think achieving joyfulness can be all that hard. I think it really has to do with just stepping back and admiring all the good things in this world. And even though everyone (including me) struggles to find good when everything seems to fall apart, there's always going to be something that you can find. Start small. Next, look for the good in other people. And even though everyone has been double crossed and screwed over by at least one person, there's always going to be someone you can see goodness in, and can see goodness in you.
I know I'm extremely tedious and audacious to try and understand the mystery of true joy and that this is an extreme attempt at being wise, but these thoughts have been twisting and turning inside of me for a very long time, but now I've finally found some words to convey them. But I guess I still need to learn that true joyfulness doesn't really need words...you just feel it.
