Promising Forever

Chapter 1

It's been too much for me.

Don't say anymore, please. It's okay. We're okay.

I've been so stressed. I don't think it's healthy for me anymore.

I promise I'll be better. This is just a phase, this isn't real. Just stop it, please. I'm begging you.

I wish we never met. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm going back on everything I fought for.

Please, don't leave me. I'm sorry, I'll do anything. Just please, please don't go.

Please stop loving me.

Feeling the tears well up, I closed my eyes, remembering the words that caused my world to collapse around me. Tears immediately rushed down my cheeks and I let out a small cry, wincing at the pain that was piercing my heart. Memories raced across my mind and I clutched my chest, sobbing harder than before as if the harder I wept, the quicker I'll be okay; but that was never the case. It had been over three months since we split. Every day since then, I had been trying to push him away from my thoughts. That was- until tonight.

Sunday night; the night summer break was ending and the dreadful night before school started up again. Since I've been cursed with procrastination all summer, I didn't have the chance or the energy to buy school supplies. Luckily for me that ever since middle school, I've been oddly consumed with collecting supplies and never using them. I'd waste money on packs of colorful mechanical pencils, food-shaped erasers, and boxes of crayons and colored pencils; hoping that one day they'd be needed for a special occasion. Too bad they would always go to waste, sitting in a box in the back of my closet collecting dust.

I began rummaging through my closet for any unused notebooks and writing utensils. I found piles of blank lined paper and heaps of colored copy paper, all shoved in a corner covering the stockpile. I then realized that it's been too long since I last cleaned my closet considering how much I was sneezing due to the dust flying everywhere. Pushing away all the loose leaf papers, I discovered an accumulation of journals that I had used in the 7th grade. When I was about to shove it aside, I saw something that caught my eye.

It was a pale pink, hard-covered journal. The journal was about a finger width thick and it was embellished with different sizes of hearts and vibrant gems that twinkled as the light hit it. The words "Diary: DO NOT READ!" were jotted in bold black letters across the smooth part of the cover. I smiled; remembering that the moments that seemed the worst for me, as a preteen, were written into this book. I flipped through the pages, being careful not to rip any of the thin sheets that seemed fragile between my fingers. I stopped at a page that was dated July 8th, 2011.

Dear Trevor,

Thank you. Thank you for cheering me up when I'm down. Oh, you always know what to say. You accept me for who I am, always. Even though you broke my heart once, you repaired it. You told me that if my heart ever broke, you'd spend every waking second to carefully super glue the pieces together. You promised to go to the bottom of the ocean to pick up the last piece. So, from this moment on, I'm giving you my whole heart. I'm trusting you with all my love. It's crazy how young kids like us can have a love stronger than the Earth's gravitational pull. Thank you, again. You're amazing. I can be myself around you and tell you how I really feel. I think that's extraordinary. I truly love you, Trevor.

I smiled sadly. My thoughts went back to the late sleepless nights and long, deep conversations we had; conversations that consisted of nothing, anything, and everything. Deciding to continue on, I flipped through the pages and came across another entry titled "Day two." It reads: