Just another crappy Jalex fic

Lullabies

It was cold the night it happened.The rain lashed against the windows and soaked the few thin shirts that had been left hanging on the washing line. One of them was mine. I should probably have gone to get them. Then maybe I'd have seen him sneak out the back door.Maybe I would have been able to say that it wasn't completely my fault. Another of the shirts was his. It should have been the only one that got wet that night. He shouldn't have been out. I should have stopped him.

My mum wants me to eat something. She wants me to talk and smile and get out of bed everyday. But I can't. I think she can tell I haven't even tried...

I snapped shut the battered notebook I was holding and threw it on my bed in frustration. I sound like your typical whiny, angst ridden teenage asshole. How can writing a diary help me in the slightest? Sure I can chuck it hard at the wall and it makes a pretty satisfying dent but I don't think that's quite what my parents had in mind.

Its been a month now. A long one. I still expect to be forced awake by sum 41 blaring at half 7 in the morning from across the landing. But that doesn't happen any more. The silence is harsh and it hurts my ears.

The only thing I ever shared with my brother was the music. It was ours. He'd force headphones onto my 8 year old head and tell me that zombies would eat me if I took them off. I didn't mind. I used to fall asleep with Green Day taped to my head and full volume pounding in my ears. It became comforting to me. It still is.

It was all I could think about at the funeral, that none of this was what he would have wanted. He hated the silence as much as I do and that church was full of it. As far as I knew, hed never been to church in his life. So why is that where he went in his death? Apparently its only worth believing in god when he has to sing somebody to sleep.

I picked up the notebook and opened it one last time.

I miss you. I'm so sorry.