If You Only Knew (Sherlock Holmes x Reader)

I Couldn't Sleep

(Y/n's POV)

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling for several hours. I'm bored, and tired, but I can't sleep. Music plays in the background softly. It's supposed to be lulling me to sleep, but it's only making things worse. Maybe I'll go check on Sherlock again. I sigh, as I make up my mind.

I get up, and leave my bedroom, walking to Sherlock's bedroom. I know he's deep in his mind palace and nothing with pull him out of it, other than himself, so I bring my source of music with me. As I look around his room, nothing's changed. He's not moved. I sigh, and hesitate at the doorway.

Finally I make up my mind, as I move a little closer to him, and climb into his bed, laying across his lap. I stare up at his face, curiously for awhile, before starting to get drowsy. I curl up in his lap, and fall asleep peacefully for the first time in two days.

(John's POV)

I walk in to check on Y/n. She's been worried about Sherlock, and when she gets worried, she acts... different. I worry about her. I check her bedroom, and don't find her. Frantically I start searching the rest of the flat. When I don't find her, I hold my breath and open Sherlock's bedroom door. He's still in his mind palace, but in his lap, curled up is a sleeping Y/n. I sigh, at least she's sleeping I guess. I move closer and cover her with a blanket. I shake my head softly, and leave. She'll be okay for now.

I leave and as I'm going, I run into Mrs. Hudson.

"Oh dearie, are you leaving?" she asks.

I give her a small smile, "Uh yes, Y/n's sleeping finally, and Sherlock's still in his mind palace."

"Oh, dear." I smile at her reaction.

"They're quite alright, Mrs. Hudson."

(Sherlock's POV)

I run through files, looking for any clues to my answer. I know they're here, somewhere they must be. I just haven't needed them for awhile, back, farther.

I go farther and farther. I know the files are here.  Emotion. Such a funny thing, I think as I open the file. I glance through it, and remember why I voided myself of emotions. I shake my head, in wonder.

I voided myself of emotion to avoid this, remembering her, feeling this pain. Yet, here I am again, looking for these emotions, so I can properly help Y/n. She's different from anyone I've tried to deduce.

She seems to care so much, yet, she cuts herself off from caring. She seems to enjoy human company, yet, she tries to avoid people so hard. She seems to want love, yet, she won't let herself love. It clicks, she doesn't feel like she deserves the things she likes the best. How could I not see this.

I open my eyes, coming out of my mind palace, to feel a weight in my lap. I look down to see Y/n curled in my lap, a blanket wrapped around her. I sigh, John probably put the blanket around her.

Her music is still playing, as If You Only Knew by Shinedown plays through her speaker I shake my head.

"I do know, Y/n," I whisper, knowing she won't wake up.

I think of ways to comfort her in her sleep as she's shaking with what seems like fear, I hesitate for a second before running my fingers through her hair slowly. She starts to relax so I continue. After a little while, her shaking has stopped completely.

(Y/n's POV)

I wake up to the feeling of someone playing with my hair. I frown in confusion before remembering where I am.

"Sherlock!" I sit up quickly.

"Why'd you come in here?" he asks softly, looking at me with that deducing look.

I look down, "I couldn't sleep," I give him a sheepish smile.

"I know that, obviously, but why specifically near me?" he asks.

"Cause, I couldn't sleep without you?" I say but it sounds like a question.

"You were worried."

"What? N-no."

"You were, you probably haven't eaten the entire time, you've barely slept, and John came in to check on you."

"H-He did?"

"He put a blanket over you earlier."

"Oh."

"Why so worried?" he gives me a smile, and I look down blushing a little.

"I always worry about you, when I don't know if you're gonna be okay or not."

"You can never truly know if anyone's going to be okay or not. Anything could happen, and it could simply be an accident."

"I I know that, but."

"But you care a lot about me?"

"Yes."

"I know."

I look up at him, and he smiles a little.

"I told myself not to care about anyone or anything, makes us weak, but you're different Y/n."

I smile.

"Can we properly lie down now?" he asks, and I give him a sheepish smile again.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on your lap," I say.

"Don't worry about it," he says and pulls me to lay down beside him, as he leans back.

"You could've easily moved me though."

"Didn't wanna wake you," he shrugs.

"Okay," I smile.

*later*

(John's POV)

I entered the flat again, and look back in Sherlock's room. I see the two of them both lying together, Sherlock lightly holding Y/n as she seems to be at peace sleeping again.

"It's fine John," I hear Sherlock's voice, a mere whisper as he doesn't want to wake Y/n.

"You may leave." Sherlock adds.

I nod, and leave shaking my head.