Maybe...

If I'm being honest, I'm attracted to women more so than men. And if I'm being honest, I can say that I've only been truly attracted to one person in my life at all. But I let her go.

Maybe if I had done what she had asked me to she would be with me right now. Maybe if I had just said I was sorry like I should've she would be holding me. Maybe if I hadn't been such a workaholic my lips would be on hers.

But then again, what could I have truly done? It's not love without sacrifice and I'm too selfish to give anything up. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to be lying in an empty bed on a cold, rainy night.

Maybe if I had showed her how much I cared she wouldn't have moved away. Maybe if I wasn't so lost in my own head all the time she would give me a second chance. Maybe I could win her back, but that's a long shot.

The rain hit the windows hard. I normally would've been sitting up, watching the storm, but I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to if she wasn't there to enjoy it with me.

Maybe I should quit my job. It's why she left in the first place, right? Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so attached. Maybe I should be at a bar trying to find someone new.

I got up slowly. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll go find someone new. I began dressing. Not in anything too fancy, but nice.

Maybe I'll find someone better. Maybe I can finally forget her. Maybe I really can make it through this.

I walk to my local bar down the street. I take out my ID before I get there, knowing I'll need it to get in and/or buy myself or anyone a drink. Once there, I flash it to the guard and get in.

Maybe she's here tonight. Maybe she's missing me too. Maybe I'm not the only one with a broken heart in this bar right now.

I sit down at the bar and order a couple shots. Anything to take away this awful emptiness. I down my drinks, remembering how she would always close her eyes before taking a drink. I can recall exactly what she would get if she were here. I ache for the taste of the fruity drink on her lips when she would kiss me.

Maybe they serve those here. Maybe I'll get over her faster if I drink one. Maybe if I get drunk I won't feel so alone.

I order the drink. The bartender slides it over to me, a smile on her face. I smile back, hating to do so. I sip on the drink, heart breaking more with every taste.

Maybe I should just go home. Maybe I'm not supposed to find anyone. Maybe if I get some sleep I'll feel better.

But I've only been here for a few minutes. I had to keep trying. I couldn't stay like this forever. It would kill me.

Maybe this bar is my last chance. Maybe I can fix this tonight. Maybe I'll take somebody home with me if I drink enough.

There was a raven-haired beauty a few seats down. I bought a drink and had the bartender give it to her. The woman asked who gave the drink and the bartender pointed at me.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should apologize for not talking to her first. Maybe she's not into women.

The woman picks up her drink and moves to the seat next to me. She takes a sip of the drink and places it down.

"What brings you here?" She asked.

"Women. More specifically because of the one that left me." I took a swig from my glass.

Maybe she's nice. Maybe we can have an actual conversation. Maybe I'll get lucky and she's single. And into girls.

"I know how ya feel," she said, smiling at me. "I'm here for the same reason."

"So are you a lesbian, bisexual, or do I have you all wrong?"

"Lesbian." She took another sip. "And you're my type. Am I yours?"

Maybe she doesn't just want sex. Maybe she wants a real relationship. Maybe she'll let me give her one.

"I don't have a type, really." She hummed in response. Her red lipstick left a perfect imprint of her lower lip on the glass as she took another drink.

Maybe I should've explained more. Maybe she thinks I'm being rude. Maybe she thinks I'm not as interested as she originally thought.

"So, do you wanna get out of here?" I asked. "I know a good place to eat not far from here."

The woman smiled and nodded, her eyes lighting up. I tipped the bartender and led the woman out of the bar. She shivered, her dress not having long sleeves. I offered her my coat and she took it, thanking me.

"You wouldn't happen to be taking me to the diner would you?"

"How did you know?"

"Only thing open this time of night."

Maybe this is going to go somewhere. Maybe a relationship with her wouldn't be too bad. Maybe she'd be willing to go on an official date with me.

"What're you thinking about?" She asked softly, brushing my hand with her knuckles.

"Mostly if you'd be willing to give me your phone number. But also if you'd like to go on a date with me."

"I kinda thought we were already on one," she joked, nudging me with her elbow. I laughed a little, finding her humor amusing.

Maybe I'm just crazy and this isn't happening. Maybe I laughed because I just want to impress her. Maybe I'm lying to myself because I don't want to get hurt again.

"So who are you, really?" She asked. "I know your name, but not anything other than the fact you went through a hard breakup."

I looked up at the sky.

"I don't know who I am," I whispered. "All I know is who I was. And who I was I don't want to be."

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe she'll think I'm weird and leave. Maybe I really am going home completely and totally by myself.

"I know what you're saying. I've danced this dance a few times before, and it's never easy." A breeze swept past. She shivered, pushing against me. "So what I'm really saying is, do you want help with getting to that person you want to be?"

I wrapped an arm around her and looked down at her, a smile on my face.

"Yeah," I said softly. "I would like that."

Maybe I won't ever fall in love once in my life. Maybe she's the one. Maybe this is right where I'm meant to be.

And maybe it doesn't matter if that bitch misses me tonight after all.