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I wrote this story when young, it critically needs editing and correction which I'm trying to finish as fast as I possibly can. Either wait with reading it or suit yourself when you get to the 2017-chapters.
adore you,
x Michelle ♡
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"I wanna know your answer," he shows up behind my back, breath laced with the shots of cherry vodka that he's had. Cherry vodka I wanna taste.
I negotiated with Megan not to answer her truth, not because I didn't wanna talk about River, but because I wasn't about to explain he was my first love in a non-incestuous, disgusting, weird way, but the same way older brothers, sister's boyfriends, and that skater boy at the park who taught you tricks when you were six are. I wasn't about to explain how he shaped me before he could even walk. I wasn't about to explain to her that River for me was and will forever be everything, that first love you compare everyone to, the one who puts the standard, the one who becomes part of you even long after he's out of your life, the one you'll love differently than everyone. Not romantically, not platonically, not familiarly. Different.
Innocently.
Childishly.
Admirably.
When you smell his shirt just because it's his, when your heart smiles when you see him, when you want him to spend every second of every day with you, hating when he gives anyone else attention, be it his mother or your gangleader of a father.
I loved River like that.
Now I love his memory as much, having lost his presence in my life, but not in my heart.
But again, I wasn't about to explain all that to her when she clearly wouldn't understand how it's possible in a non-incestuous way.
In a soulmate kinda way.
Megan agreed when I agreed to take body shots off of her. I didn't hate it.
I turn around grabbing his neck and pulling his wet, hot body to me, balance steadied when he reaches for my waist, my bare feet solid on the marble floor. I study his face, eyes red from whatever he's smoked, pupils dilated from the vodka. It's dangerous and it's sexy.
"What did you take?" I ask, wondering how it's scientifically possible for me to be the clearheaded one after eleven huge shots of vodka and some energy drink with cactus juice. I know for a fact he hasn't even had half as much as me.
He snorts, his head shaking.
"I don't even know."
Too strong to be weed, at least, but it has the same, heavy effect on him. Possibly edibles, I take back what I said, he doesn't smell like smoke.
