Is it bad that all I want to do is slit my skin open with a knife and watch as the blood falls down in a drip drop acton while I fake a smile on my face..... I can't I'm a sister I have to be strong and smile, I have to do bad at school so my parents look at them like Angels and be proud of them I need them to smile at them and tall them their special and smarter then I ever will be. I'll tall you a secret, I've wanted to hurt myself so I know I'm human....... I am human so there is so, so little time so be ready for this sister thing. It been fifth-teen years of this, know one is ever truly ready for anything, I know that but it still hurts when they pick everyone else but me. I have hide who I am, what I feel, my tears..... But if I didn't hide it will they notice my pain, the endless pain........ I truly believe that I'm not worth it, that I'm not worth anything at all. Is that bad? Does that make me bad? Does that make them happy that they did this to me? Does it? Endless questions and questioning about my self worth..... Am I selfish asking this, I'm sure mother and father would thought those thoughts, that I'm selfish, irritating, irrelevant, that I'm useless, uncaring, annoying and without good value. Maybe I am....... I have thought it of myself for a long time, I never said it out loud........ Maybe because I have friends that feels the same thing as me about themselves, I need to smile and make them feel better..... Everyone comes before myself, after all I'm a useless nobody. Hidden pain it everywhere and it happens everyday, why hide it I'm a terrible human being and a terrible big sister any way.
~ from the one with out meaning
