Untitled Part 1

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Tears pouring out of her eyes . falling in a steady stream down her face as guilt pain and numbness consume her all at once. Music blasting into her ears as she sees the river of red run down her arm created by a sword of silver. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 . one for every year she has lived and disappointed someone in one way or another . 1 2 3 4 5 6 and another for everything that is weighing er down. Her father's choices and actions , her sister blocking her from her life, her beautiful baby niece not yet old enough to understand why she can't see her aunty, her constant fear of failure , her brother leaving her in a stupidly cuntish way, and her power of making everyone turn away from her when she needs them most.

These are just some of the reasons why the crying girl looks down at the painting of red on her arms . she knows her list could go on forever and the river could run steady until it has run dry. But . she holds on to a sliver of hope. A sliver of hope that someone still needs her alive . the hope that there is someone who needs her . the hope that there is someone who needs her as much as she needs them.

Running to the bathroom to allow the blood to run freely into the sink she begins to wash away the painting leaving behind the wounds that were hidden behind it. Crying as quietly as she so as not to wake her mother. When the blood has stopped running she walks over to the medical cupboard and searches desperately whilst listening for her mothers even breaths for some sort of bandage to hide the harsh reality that is not only her life but her nightmares and her dreams to .

Managing to find a bandage she runs back to her room in order to place it on the wounds that have been created by her silver paint brush looking out the window sh wonders if anyone would truly miss her if she did decide to leave . already saying to herself that she's not really there anyway at least not with emotion and she is never there mentally. It's just her body thats present an empty shell of a girl who had so much to live for.

Sitting at her laptop she types and types the tears still pouring from her eyes. As she opens up to herself and the screen she begins to realise that what everyone is saying about life getting better is complete and utter bullshit. Pausing from the typing to look at her now bandaged arm all she feels is the sting from the cuts but nothing else. Her emotions stripped bare of her soul her essence is no longer there she truly is gone its just her empty shell . she is done trying to help herself and she is fed up on waiting for some superman to come save her .

23:35

That's the time she gave and has decided to become completely withdrawn from everyone. For her that means no more "friends" no more socializing just head down and work through life. Though she sees no point as in her eyes life is no longer worth living an hadn't been for a while now. Sh is drowning in her pain and she has inhaled way to much suffering to be saved she has endured enough and at 23:39 she finally logs of her laptop nothing more to say to herself or her laptop and she curls into a ball on her chair and just stares out the window still breaking her heart because even though her emotions are no longer there all she feels now is the pain and it is the pain that allow the tears to freshly fall

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