Hamlet: Prince of High School

scene one

"Okay, imagine this," Hamlet began, walking down the hallway with his best friend, Horatio. The last bell had finally rung, and the school was quickly clearing out. "Scene: Elsinore High, 1987, on a cloudy Seattle day. Hamlet enters the anatomy classroom, holding the spider he found in the bathroom. Mr. Polonius's coffee has been left out in the open."

"Oh my god," Horatio interrupted. "Please tell me you didn't."

Hamlet rolled his eyes. "Well, if I hadn't, I wouldn't be putting it in the autobiographical play I'm going to write at some point."

"Did you really want to risk getting detention on a Friday? We have plans."

Their plans today were to grab pizza with three fellow seniors- Marcellus, Bernardo, and Francisco, whom Hamlet had befriended while skipping class during his sophomore year. They were always either sitting on the front steps of the abandoned factory next door or skateboarding in the empty lot at the end of the block, so it was inevitable that Hamlet would run into them on more than a few occasions, and this eventually led to a friendship.

If Hamlet was friends with someone, it meant that Horatio was friends with them by default, despite the fact that he was quite different from the trio. With soft brown eyes, messy hair, and a backpack full of books he read whenever he got the chance, Horatio would never have dreamed of skipping class. Hamlet and Horatio had both received the gifted child treatment when they were younger after excelling throughout elementary school without putting in much effort, but this led them down different paths. It took Hamlet the route of "Since everything used to be so easy for me, if I don't get something immediately, I'm a failure and shouldn't bother trying," while Horatio ended up with more of a "Now everyone expects me to always do really well, so I have to keep this up for the rest of my life in everything I ever do" kind of mindset. Despite that difference between them, though, ever since fifth grade, neither could imagine calling anyone else their best friend.

"No one is going to know it was me," Hamlet assured his friend, rolling his eyes. "Plus, if we're out of here fast enough-"

As if on cue, the school's vice principal stepped in front of them out of seemingly nowhere. "Hamlet?"

"Fuck."

Gertrude was Elsinore High's vice principal first, and Hamlet's mom second. No, really, she was actually Hamlet's mom, which was a pretty unfortunate situation for the biggest trouble-maker in the school. While there are very few people in the world who would ever want their mom to work at their school (because, honestly, what a nightmare), Hamlet was among the people who wanted that the least.

Others at the school felt bad for him, but they used to feel worse for him. For the entirety of Hamlet's freshman, sophomore, and junior years, not only did he have to deal with his mom being the vice principal, but his father had been the principal.

Gertrude sighed, completely used to her son's pointless acts of rebellion by now, but nonetheless tired of them. "Would you mind stepping into my office, please?"

Horatio crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head to himself. It wasn't unusual for the group of friends to have to start whatever they were doing without Hamlet, because it wasn't unusual for Hamlet to do something stupid and get himself into trouble.

Hamlet knew this routine well, and smiled sweetly. "Always a pleasure, Mother."

After promising Horatio that he'd meet up with him in a bit, Hamlet followed his mom to the end of the hallway, which was almost cleared out by now. They reached her office, and Hamlet sat down in the chair in front of her desk. It was a seat that he'd been in many, many times.