Killing Axel

Prologue

  © Killing Axel

by KaleTheQueen

All rights reserved.  

I was shaking so hard I thought I would drop the little orange bottle in my hands. My head was pounding, memories flooding my mind. My heart raced as I lifted my head to stare my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My lips pulled into a disgusted sneer. I looked far too much like my father and my disapproving old granfather. I flicked my gaze away from my reflection and toward the ground instead. I focused on the sounds in my head.

To anyone else it was dead quiet except for the sound of water filling the bathtub, but to me every little drop felt like a giant crowd of screaming people. It was so loud.

So fucking loud!

I had to make it stop. I sat on the toilet seat, feeling like I was overheating even though we had shit heaters. The water would cool me down though, I guess.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled out a pack of Marlboro from my front pocket. I grabbed my lighter off the sink and lit up a cigarette. I let out a relieved breath after one desperate puff, and felt myself relax. Shoulders slumped, I waited for the bathtub to fill up. I kicked off my sneakers and rubbed my temple with my free hand.

I only had around an hour and a half to just get it over with. My feet tapped anxiously on the ground. My dark eyes scanned the grimy bathroom, they landed on the messy papers tapped all over the shower wall. They were my last letters to my family. They stated simply that I was sorry I had wasted their time and money on me. They said that I wished I could have done it sooner and that by me leaving, it would save tons of money that could go on my younger sister and brother. It was true after all. They might cry after I'm gone, but it would benefit them in the end. They would forget about me and all the burdens I had brought with me when I entered this world. My only concern was if the funeral would cost too much. Then how would they get by if it did? How would they pay the rent? The electricity bill? The water bill? That was when my eyes rested on the envelope on the sink. It was next to my lighter and the pill bottle and it was stuffed with some of the cash I had save from my two jobs. The rest of the money had went to paying the bills. Again, my thoughts drifted to my tired mother and my drug addict father. Would my mother be able to pay the bills with no help whatsoever from my crack head father? Would me dying benefit her as much as I thought? Or did she need the money I made from my jobs more than she let on?

I sighed in frustration and that was when I noticed the tub was now filled with slightly dirty, lukewarm water. I quickly turned the water off and flicked my cigarette in it. I shed my jeans, shirt, and slipped off my socks. I then twisted the lid off the orange pill bottle and shook some white pills into my hand. I threw them into my mouth and reached down to grab the bottle of cheap beer that was near the toilet plunger. I downed a giant gulp and the pills and alcohol slid down my throat heavily. I waited just a second and took another drink. Then I calmly slid into the bathtub. The pounding in my head almost stopped completely when I felt the cool grimy water on my skin.

I waited twenty minutes, maybe longer, just staring up at the dirty ceiling. Then, I felt the pills start to kick in. A content smile smile made its way onto my face as I slid further into the water. My eyes slid shut when everything became blurry. I could feel my stomach turning, but paid it no mind. I was in too much of a haze. My breathing became shallow as I began to drift off to sleep. My head dipped to the side and I couldn't even force my eyes open when I heard the door to the apartment open and my mother call out my name. Not when I heard my siblings' giggling as they entered our house, fresh from the grocery store. Not even when I felt a letter fall off the wall and land on my face before drifting off toward my torso.

"Axel?" My mother called. "Axel, I bought you some chocolate milk."

My favorite, I thought. That was thoughtful.

Then everything went black.