Giraffes And Toes

What.

A/N: thanks for the idea purplepodrato05 (I told you I'd tag you on this piece of shit mwahahah)

It was 1am. Phil was really tried from editing so he didn't pay much attention to where he was going then whoops stubbed his toe on on the couch.

"GODDAMN!" He yelled outta pain. His toe started bleeding all over the floor, more than a usual toe would bleed. He lookith under the couch and saw a dull spike.

Dan came running into the room "HA YOU GOT PRANKED BRO!" In a bad Amurican accent.

"THE HELL DAN!?" Phil was very confuzzled. Was Danny boi drunk or somethin?

"THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE" He was laughing annoyingly. The fuck was going on with him.

Suddenly Phils toe fell off his foot.

"AJSODBAKDBSOABRIWBWISBD" He start freaking the frick out

"My plan is complete!" Dan says lifting his hands into the air dramatically.

Phil just looks at his pyschopathic friend.

"What."

Dan puts his hands down. "THAT WAS NO ORDINARY SPIKE, OH NO, IT WAS A SPIKE FROM MY PLANET MADE TO SEVER TOES FROM THEIR BODIES!"

"What."

"FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN COLLECTING TOES FROM UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD TO STOCKPILE FOR MY PLAN"

"Wha-"

"FOR YOU SEE, I HAVE CREATED A DEVICE THAT WILL MAKE AN ARMY OF TOES TO TAKE OVER THIS DAMN PLANET! I AM NO HOOMAN! I AM..." Dan rips off his face to reveal a Giraffe. "AN ALIEN."

"Oh" Phil says, slightly aroused. He thought Giraffes were kinda sexy. "I shoulda expected dis."

"NOW I CAN ADD YOUR TOE TO MY COLLECTION AND THIS WORLD WILL BE MINE-"

"But what would you do with the world?"

"Destroy it of course."

"Why?"

"I dunno."

"What about me ur fren?"

"You can live on Mars."

"Nah. You're not destroying the world."

"YES I AM"

"Now use ur device to put my toe back."

"NO"

Phil yanked Giraffe Dan by the shirt and shoved his hand down his throat. He pulled it back out with le machine.

"Gimme my toe back" Phil asked politely.

"Phiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil why r u so difficult."

Phil just pointed at his foot.

"Fine." Dan said and he used the magical machine and POOFITY DOOPITY the toe wassa back.

"Bout time"

"Wanna make a sandwhich?"

"Evil graffe aliens don't eat sanwhiches"

"But I wanted a sandwhich."

"Then buy one from 711, they sell animal food."

"BUT THE SUN IS A DEADLY LAZER"

Alien Giraffes couldn't go outside. That's why Dan never does.

"Then get a hat." Phil replied.

"HAts aRe eViL"

"You look good in hats." Phil said, ignoring Dan's words.

Then Dan put a hat on. Phil was really turned on at this point. So he ran over to him and kissed him.

Dan was shooketh, bit he kissed them back anyway.

Phil started taking his shirt off and before they knew it they were doin the frickity frack.

((Magical time skippity after the frick frack))

They were sitting on the sofa watching Animal Planet with some burnt popcorn. Alien Giraffes couldnt eat regular popcorn.

"I don't want to destroy the world anymore." Dan said to Phil.

"Cool." Phil said. "Have you ever tried being human?"

"Will you love me more as a human?"

"Guess so."

Then Dan jumped out the window and went splat on the floor outside. His body exploded into rainbow trash into the air.

"Oh nu Dan's ded" Phil was shook.

Suddenly Dan was behind the couch and he jumped at Phil and bit his ear.

"WHAT THE-" Phil rolled off the couch.

"SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!"

"But weren't you..."

"It was just a prank bro!"

"YOU SON OF A-" Phil started choking Dan.

"HARDER DADDY!" Dan moaned.

Phil squeezed Dan's neck even harder making the boy's face blue.

"FASTER DAD" He wheezed out, Dan's erection becoming obvious underneath his dark jeans.

Phil choked him so tight Dan passed out.

"Damn you and your kink Dan."

((Wow another time skip))

Phil was playing on his phone when Dan ran into his bedroom.

"PHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLL"

"OMG WHAT"

"YOU CHOKED ME A LOT TO THE POINT OF MY GETTING PREGNANT"

"IF THIS IS A PRANK DANYUL I SWEAR TO GOD-"

Dan threw the pregnancy test at Phil's head.

"OH MY GOD DAN"

They jumped up and down in excitement.

"WHAT DO WE DO THO!?"

"WE GET MARRIED."

And they did just that. They got happily married a week later and when Dan had a baby girl they named it Susan.

And they lived happily ever after.
The End.