Noise.

Noise.

Deafening, blinding, hurting. Pain, pain. Pain wrestiling into the choking air. And death, and love, and everything that hurts. And weeping. Weeping all the blood and sweat out of my eyes, out of my heart and being so very lost in this great big world. And just being alone. I can feel the ground shaking, your heart pounding. And it's too much, too loud, too overwhelming. It's as if I was dying.

Am I?

Because if this is what dying feels like, if this pain is really death and not just life, then I don't think I want to die so soon.

Maybe? 

But it's too hard. too hard to keep on going. Going. Going strong. But maybe, if this is death, and I am death, and life is death, then should I just... just... just...

Stop.

Finally it's here.

Silence

It was always the temptation.

Hearts pounding, wrists slashing, eyes swirling into oblivion. They were controlled in their settling loose, free while still in their cages. And I wanted that. 

I wanted that more than anything, 

Because I knew there was no way I was getting out of my cage, so why not be free inside it? 

Laughter. 

Not going to happen, will it? 

There's not enough fires in the world to make me warm enough to laugh. 

Laugh, laugh, laugh all you want, we all know you're dying inside, little boy. So run along home to the big bad wolf who will eat you right 

Up, up, up. 

But mum...

I still want to die. Guess I'll settle for little slippery pills slipping down my slippery throat and into my slippery insides. 

Then they will melt and I'll feel giddy. Giddy isn't happy, 

Is it? But it's as close as

I'll ever get, mum. 

Okay?