Feelings

Today

I just feel like the whole world's against me. Every smile I've given has been denied. I try and I try but I can't get it right. I look in the mirror and all I see are the letters F.A.T write themselves all over my body.  We're supposed to live life and thrive. But all I want to do, is lay down and...die. Nobody gets the feeling coming across me right now at this very moment. I feel alone in the world. I feel as though my best friends are replacing me. I try to find the good guys but all they want from me is what's in between my thighs. It sucks, you know ? When guys screw you over just so they can glote ? I'm sick of being played, day by day by day. Sometimes I just wanna run away. Get away from everyone. Stop everything. But when I see my friends and my family I just..collapse. They're all I have left and it's all falling apart. All the fights and the separations. I can't get it right. It all started with me. You know ? My two best friends now hate each other because of a fight, over me. Then it escalated to other things. I can't handle it. I want them both in my life, but they've been so caught up in them that, they don't know about me. I have problems. That I cry about every night. Like, why am I such a whore ? Why is it that all the guys I can't have..I want even more ? Why am I not pretty enough, or skinny enough to fit the stereotype of "perfect". Sometimes I think, what if I just stop eating. What if, I exercise down to skin and bones. Then maybe I'll be likeable. But I cant. I can't. I cant. I.... cant. Just help me. Somebody help. Please. I wake up everyday thinking "What's the point in even getting up today, if nobody's there to love me" Or "Should I just give up like they did." I really don't know anymore. I dont. And it eats away at my heart like a cheetah tearing into its prey. Piece by piece, taking they're prey down the slow and lonely road of pain and suffer. Clinging to that last glimpse they have of life. Fighting, for no reason at all. Just knowing they're gonna die in the last few seconds, but trying to hold on. Just trying. Hoping that maybe they'll get some type of luck. Something. Anything. But nothing. It's just dark, and cold. Lonely and broken. Okay. That's it. That's just it. That's how I feel. I can't take the losing anymore.