Teachers Assistant [Fall Out Boy FanFiction]

"Eat the fucking cereal," my best friend, and also my roommate, Mackenzie snapped at me as soon as I set my half-empty bowl of Lucky Charms on the coffee table in front of me. She was in the kitchen, stirring something together in a big bowl.

"But, I have to finish this paper-"

"EVEE IF YOU DON'T EAT THE FUCKING CEREAL I WILL-"

"MACKENZIE I HAVE TO-"

"THE MILK WILL TURN GREY AND THE MARSHMALLOWS WILL BECOME A SOGGY INEDIBLE MASS."  She pointed at me with the rubber spatula in her hand, some of the mixture from the bowl falling on to the tile floor. We looked at each other, my legs crossed, laptop warming my thighs, and we both burst into laughter. "Seriously, though, I will kill you if you don't eat the goddamned cereal that you FORCED me to make for you at-" she paused, looking at an imaginary watch on her wrist, "6:42 am."

"How in the world do you know what the time is? You're not even wearing a watch." I stared at her, somehow managing to type half a paragraph without looking at my laptop screen.

“I have a really good concept of time, unlike you,” she said, and I realized what she had said; It was 6:42 am.  I was officially twelve minutes late for college.

“Fuck! FUCKIDDY-FUCK-FUCKING-FUCK! Åh du jävla skit!” I swore, slamming my laptop closed and scarfing down the rest of my cereal.

“Why are you swearing in Swedish? You’re not even from Sweden!” Mackenzie laughed, and I looked at myself in a full-body mirror we had leaning up against the wall. Sweatpants, a baggy sweatshirt, and a messy ass bun. Seeing as I had no time to change, I had to quickly throw on my shoes and run into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

“I picked it up when I was little so I could cuss in front of my parents without them knowing.” She nodded as I grabbed my bag and stuffed my laptop in it.

“What did you even say?” she asked, and I smiled.

“Oh you fucking bitch.” She glared and went to fling the mixture at me, but luckily I ducked out of the door before it hit me. Honestly, I couldn’t be more thankful that I lived just around the corner from my college. I made it there in three minutes, and I was in the classroom in four. The teacher wasn’t even in the room yet, so I took out my laptop and powered it back on so it looked like I had been there since class started. I was able to finish my paper (which was due that day, I had just put off doing it until the last minute) just as the teacher walked in, and I saved it onto my flash drive quickly before he could speak.

“Good morning class. I hope you all have finished your papers,” The teacher, Mr. Letterman, said to the class. I chuckled, looking to my right to see Stacy Helburg (the ‘queen bee’, or as I like to call her, devil spawn) still typing away at her computer. Mr. Letterman, of course, saw this, but did nothing, as Stacy had been screwing him since day 1. I scoffed, scrunching my nose up as I eyed her outfit. Four inch heels, a skimpy skirt and a tight-ass pink blouse that looked like the fabric would rip from her double-f implants. “Before I go any further, I’d like you to meet my new assistant. I expect you to treat him with complete respect.” He paused, turning towards the door. “Mr. Stump, you can come in now!”

I held my breath as he walked in. Short brown hair, charming smile, simple suit; I’d lived in this town my whole life, how had I never met this sex-god? He looked at me. Shit. He had caught me staring. I wanted to look away, but he gave me a small smile that I had to return before I looked away, blushing like a complete and utter idiot. And then, I heard the devil-spawn giggle quietly. I looked over at her, and she was twirling her blonde hair on her finger, waving flirtatiously at him. He hadn’t been staring at me, he’d been staring at Stacy. Fuck me; I really am a complete and utter idiot. “It’s okay, Evee, just breathe, and get through this day without killing any of the peasants around you.” I thought, taking a deep breath.

The day dragged on painstakingly slow. Mr. Stump handed out papers once, and as he leaned over my desk to hand Stacy her paper. I got a whiff of his cologne, and I nearly turned to jelly in my seat. Thank GOD for hot teacher assistants.

Finally the class ended, and I was packing up my notes when Stacy bumped into my desk, knocking them to the floor. “Oops, sorry.” She said in a mocking tone.

“Fuck you, Stacy.” I spat, and she gave me a look of surprise mixed with hurt. I knew it was fake, because the corners of her mouth were turned up, like she was fighting back a smile.

“Did you hear that, Mr. Stump? I think she deserves detention!” Mr. Stump stepped out from behind Stacy, scowling at me.

“Maybe she does, but sadly, I am not the one who hands out detentions.” His eyes didn’t leave me as he spoke, and I felt like an ant under a magnifying glass. “Go on home, I’ll deal with this.” Stacy smiled, twirling her hair on her finger again.

“Okay, Patrick. Take it easy, baby.” She whispered loud enough for me to hear. I clenched my teeth, picking up my notebook. She sashayed out of the room, moving her hips way too enthusiastically. Since when were they on a first-name basis? And when did she start calling him baby?

“Jävla hora.” I muttered, and Patrick raised his eyebrows.

“She’s not a whore, Ms. Mason.” I flinched. How in the hell did he know what I said?

“What? I-I didn’t.. you don’t know her. She fucks a new guy every week.” He shrugged.

“While that may be the case, although I’m not going to tell Letterman, foul language isn’t permitted here.” I sighed, apologizing as I slung my bag over my shoulder.

“Fine, fine. I’m sorry. My bad. I won’t do it again.” He nodded, and looked down at my pants with a smile on his face.

“Nice pants.” He commented, and I blushed.

“I was kinda in a rush this morning. That, and my roommate was forcing me to eat Lucky Charms.” He laughed, and I smiled. After a while of chit-chatting, I said, “Well, I’ve got to go. Goodbye, Patrick.” To which he replied, “Goodbye, Evee.” I smiled. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.