The Life of Amelia Barnette

You Don't Find Freedom, You Take It.

I loved the water. A mysterious place of solitude, depth, and utter feeling. All I wanted to do was emerge myself under the crushing waves, tasting the rich, salty liquid. Those times, looking down from the cliffs of my father's property at the vast ocean, were the only times I could ever be alone. Free. Each time I stepped out of the doors that locked me in every day, I could feel the burdens, the enormous weight that tore me down, fall down in a heap like a fresh gasp of air being inhaled.

Hills rolled over the shaded horizon, bushy trees coating their skin in a dark green coat. The moon's crescent shape started to wake from its slumber, peeking through the overgrown rise. My nightgown tickled my naked legs, the grass forming small molds under my bare feet as I made my way towards the cliff. The rush of wind caught me by surprise as I stumbled back a little. I was always struck with so much awe looking at the open ocean. Its mysterious, frightening presence sent shivers along my skin. I felt so small, so insignificant compared to the vast world that laid at my feet. It made me feel alive. These emotions swept me up in a current of uncertainty and hope that my life would be more than what society expected of me. Water was always a safe place for me. Whether I was paddling in the nearby creek or bathing in my chamber, it was always a place where I knew I could be utterly alone and controlled only by my thoughts, feelings and actions. Undisturbed by the never-ending disappointment that was my life. Or, more my mother's life. It seemed that she made all the decisions. Coming out here, it was against her wishes, and I suppose that's probably why I came out here most nights. It might be dangerous to sit here, dangling my legs over the cliff, looking down to the bottom as the waves smashed into the jagged rocks, but it was my decision. I chose to be out here, and that was what made it even more tempting.

An owl called out across the cliffs, nesting in the cluster of blossomed trees, their petals wilting slightly from the howling gusts of wind evident from last night's storm. A soft breeze twirled my hair into intricate knots, tickling the back of my neck, causing a chill to run against my skin. The night was cool, a slight bitterness creeping up on me like a stalking predator. I braced myself against the jagged rock I had adopted as my resting place, biting back against the raw wind until my bare legs could bear it no longer. I sighed before getting up, drinking up the last of the views before I descended back to my cage of boredom. The moon was well in the night sky by the time the house came into view. Bleak windows stood dim in the eerie darkness, the candles all snuffed out. Overgrown grass scratched my legs, causing my hand to outstretch and feel the tough, dried stems and fluffy ends. Spring was my favourite time of the year. It always felt like a fresh start, where the flower buds woke from their hibernation, creatures of the wild introduced their children, tumbling and clawing at each other as they explored the world. The weather began to brighten up, its cherry smile sending dew in the morning and a cloudless afternoon filled with warm winds and brighter evenings. I smiled at the only good thing on this property. The innocent and oblivious nature that the wild was. Everything worked like clockwork, a daily routine that no animal fussed about. How pure life was. How envious I was.

The backdoor creaked loudly as I snuck in, shutting it slowly behind me. I leaned my back against the hard, oak frame and inhaled heavily. This house suffocated me. Even the air inside felt thin and polluted. I lifted the hem of my nightgown up to my calves and hurried along the hallway. It was dark, but the large window at the end guided me to my bedroom door. Mother and Father's room lay opposite to mine, their door sealed shut, but I didn't let that fool me. Those two could hear a rustle from a mile away. I knew every creaky floorboard and squeaking door that lay in my room and walked the laid-out route to my bed, its sheets still flung to the side. Snuggling in, I placed my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes. Peace. It was one of those nights that felt as if I were alone. Free. No lips set in a scowl, looking me down. No sneering nose or crinkled eyes. Just me, my mind, and the endless places I could go as my thoughts slowly began to form.