Bullied turned bully!!

Bullies...

It's Sunday January 11th and I still hate my life. I hate how I look, I hate how people look at me, I hate that my mom consistently tells me I'm beautiful when I KNOW I'm ugly. Not one girl notices me, and I don't blame them. I look nothing like the popular boys at school. I can't play sports and I'm not funny. I just wish god would answer me every night when I ask him why he made me this way. Did my parents do something to upset him? This life just isn't what I want. I wonder if I die, will I come back a different person, someone that's accepted. Someone that's not consistently made fun off. Someone that's not bullied day in and day out, for other people's enjoyment.
                          It's now Monday morning and god is still cursing me with this life. My mom storms in my room to get me ready for school....it should be called hell. She drops me off and gives me a kiss on my cheek. I stand there as I watch the only human that acknowledges my existence drive away. I put my hood on and focus my eyes on the ground as I make my way though the hallways, it's not long until I'm bumped intentionally and my books hit the ground I hear them all laughing historically at me. I know that couldn't have been that funny. Why do they hate me so much. Why does god hate me so much. I pick my books up and start running on my path to class I turn a sharp corner and unintentionally run into someone much smaller than me. My momentum carries me though him and his books fall on the ground....I start to head his direction to help him up when I suddenly notice everyone around me historically laughing and pointing at him.... before I can react John, the school star quarterback gives me a high five. His friends gather around me cheering and applauding me. For the first time in my life I'm applauded, I can't describe the fulfillment that goes through my body. Is that all it took? Me bullying someone? I'm not sure how I feel about that but I like this feeling! Do I now have to keep doing this? Will I have to be rude to other people for the rest of my life to be accepted by my peers? If that's what it takes to matter then I guess that's what I will become! I wonder if girls will start to notice me. I can't wait till I find out all the things I have to do to be even cooler. This is the best time of my life.
                               The next day I come to school with a little more confident, I'm walking the hallways but this time with my eyes a little higher than yesterday. I wonder if I'm still cool or if they already forgot about yesterday, will they go back to bullying me? God I hope not, please god let me be cool. I walk around seeking out the little boy from yesterday. I barely spot him before he turns the corner I speed up my pace a little to reach him. When I finally get to him I see him holding his lunch bag in his hand, without a second thought I take it and knock it on the ground, John the star quarterback hurry's over and steps on it and gives me another high five! I was now accepted into the cool group. I can't believe I'm making my way to lunch with the cool kids, I am now a cool kid. As we! Wow it feels so good saying we! As we walk away from the scene I take a look back at the kid picking up his lunch from the ground, we make eye contact and I can see....I can feel the pain his going through...parts of me wants to run back there and tell him not to mind them and that everything is going to be okay.....but I just can't! I can't go back to living that life. I won't go back to living that life. Never again no matter what I have to do. I will be a cool kid.