Larry Stylinson: My Time of Need

Into the Unknown

Don't hate me.

I had to because feels.

(((\\\///)))

     Harry sat with Louis in the office, their faces identical masks of fear, shame, and disbelief. It had all started earlier that day when one of Louis' exes had called him.

    "Hello?" Harry answer the phone, sounding sleepy because it was so early in the morning.

     "Hi, is, uh, is Louis there?" said a scared sounding woman. Harry checked the ID and it said Eleanor. Whoever that was.

     "Um, yeah, let me get him for you." Harry set the phone down turned over in bed, coming to face the most adorable brown haired boy he'd ever seen. It was a shame to wake him up, but it was hilarious, too. He yelped and nearly fell off the bed.

     "Jesus Christ, Haz! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Louis shouted at him. He managed to tell Louis through him chuckling that there was a phone call for him.

     "Eleanor?" Louis asked the phone, sounding surprised and confused. "What's up?"

     Harry watched as Louis' face went from confused to horrified. "That's awful, El," he said. He listened more. His face went white, and his lips parted in fear and shock. "I-" he started up, his voice cracking. He tried again. "Thanks for telling me. Yeah. I'll get checked out. Bye." The snapped shut the phone and stared at the wall.

     By now Harry was going insane with curiosity and fear for his boyfriend. What had happened? What could that girl have said that made him like this? Harry stood up from the bed and grabbed Louis' hands, tossing the phone onto a pillow.

     "Louis," he said, his fear making his voice quiet and shaky. "Who was that? What did she say?"

     Louis' eyes met his, and filled with tears. "Harry," he choked out. "That was Eleanor. My ex girlfriend. She- she has- she got tested and..." Louis' tears spilled over, and Harry's heart was breaking and his fear was strangling him. "She has HIV. She hasn't been with anyone since me."

     Harry's thoughts stopped. If he had... Had sex with her, and she had given it to him then... Then...

     He could die.

     "Holy fuck," Harry whispered. He pulled Louis to his chest and held him, and Louis sobbed into his shirt, his arms so tight around him that it was almost unbearable. Harry felt his own tears, but he tried to hold them back. He had to be strong for Louis.

     "Hey, Lou, it's okay, baby," Harry heard himself say. "We'll get you checked out. You don't even know if you have it yet. Oh, baby, it's okay, I love you..." he continued with what he hoped were comforting words, and soon Louis pulled up, wiping his eyes. He didn't release Harry, he simply pulled far enough away to be able to see his face.

     "H- Harry," Louis stammered, then he took a deep breath to steady himself. "We have to get checked out, as soon as possible."  The statement gave Harry pause. Did Louis think that they both...?

     "We'll do it tomorrow," Harry told him firmly, trying to cover up his fear and despair. "Come on, let's have breakfast."

      So they were in the waiting room at the free clinic, just sitting and staring. Harry held Louis' hand, and Louis was grateful. They were both so scared, so worried. What if their tests came back positive? What if they... What if they both had HIV, and they were going to... To.

     Just say it, the voice in Harry's head told him. You're going to die if you have it. End of story.

     Just when Harry's dark thoughts were about to get the better of him, a nurse came out and called them into the doctors office.

     "She'll be with you in just a moment," the kind nurse told them. She had been with them the whole way, smiling and reassuring them that it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. She had been so sweet, and Harry was grateful for her presence at the clinic.

     The doctor entered the room not two minutes later, two folders in her hands. Harry felt his heartbeat stop, and then start racing. He squeezed Louis' hand just as Louis squeezed his, and he took a deep breath to brace himself for bad news.

     "Mr. Styles," the doctor started, her kind face showing both compassion and her intelligence, "Mr. Tomlinson. I have good news and bad news. Bad news first, shall I?" The boys nodded at her. She seemed to brace herself, just as they were braced. This wasn't easy for her, either. "Mr. Tomlinson, we're afraid that your test came back positive." Louis buried his face in his hands, and Harry just froze. He didn't breathe, and he was pretty sure that his heart had stopped, too. The doctor continued after just a moment. "It's in the earliest stages, and quite manageable. We believe that you won't feel the effects of the HIV until you are very elderly indeed." The boys were completely miserable. Dejected. They both looked as if they could fall to pieces at any second.

     The doctor continued, her pretty face trying to stay calm, empathetic, and detached. A piece of Harry's broken heart went out to her. It couldn't be easy being a doctor. "But, Mr. Styles, your test has come back completely clean of any sort of virus or disease. You're a lucky couple; many have extreme cases, and they share the disease." The doctor sighed. Harry couldn't remember her name, still.

     "Wha-" Harry started, then cleared his throat before he could continue. Damn tears. "What are we supposed to do?" He stood from his own chair and went over to Louis'. He put his arms around the smaller boy and held him. His hands still didn't come away from his face.

     "There are several treatments," the doctor was saying, and she continued, naming medications that Harry didn't have a chance at pronouncing correctly. She mentioned a group, but that's all the Harry caught. Louis had moved, he was holding Harry back now and sobbing into his shoulder. Harry stroked his head, seating himself on the large chair with Louis. Harry pretended to listen to the doctor, and after five more minutes she handed them six- six- prescriptions to get filled at the clinic pharmacy. She told them to take as much time as they needed, to leave the door open when they left, and she walked out of the room. Harry thought he saw tears in her eyes.

     Harry wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, Louis sobbing onto Harry and Harry trying not to sob, though he couldn't keep himself from crying. His tears soaked his face, and by the end of it both Louis' and Harry's shirts had large wet patches on them. Harry kept a running commentary of what the doctor had said, that is would be alright. He told Louis he loved him, over and over again, and that it was all fine.

     Eventually, both of their tears stopped. Harry was pretty sure Louis had stopped crying ten minutes before he could get his own tears to leave him. They sat in the office for nearly another half hour before either one of them moved. Louis lifted his head and looked at Harry, just looked. Harry stared back, seeing Louis' swollen, red rimmed eyes, the red making the blue stand out in startling contrast. He was still the most beautiful creature Harry had ever seen, and the fact that he was- or would be- sick didn't matter to him.

     "I love you, Louis," Harry told him, with everything he had. He saw some of the pain in Louis' eyes lift, but only a very, very small amount.

     "I- I love you, too, Harry," and they left the office together, hand in hand, ready to face whatever came next.