Issues

One shot

-Play song-

Cole Elliot has always had his fair share of problems. Finding out his father never wanted anything to do with him since birth, suffering in silence as his older perfect sister got praised and complemented and loved by everyone, his little sister getting all the attention and having everything being handed to her when she threw fits and got away with murder because she "didn't know better" or she "is still little and learning" or his personal favorite "she can't help the things she couldn't control". He was sick off all of it, he was sick of trying to live up to his father's impossible expectations. He was tired of living in his older sisters shadow and having people not even give him a second glance. Or having himself being compared on how shitty of a person he was compared to his older sister. He was expected to be a person that he could never be, he's just a shadow being ignored by everyone or replaced. Hell he was invisible to his own family, he was always in the dark about everything. No one bothered to ask his opinion on anything, everyone just assumed what he wanted which was never what he actually wanted. He was left behind like he meant nothing to his best friend, he left Cole to be tormented and insulted and ridiculed by two awful people. They had tormented him for so long that he can't trust anyone, he thinks that he's unlovable because of how he dressed and looked. He cried himself to sleep, muffling his sobs into his pillow. His heart ached from the pain he had felt for so many years, and the thing that hurt the most was that no one bothered to ask if he was really okay. All it took was a simple "I'm fine." or "I'm okay, I promise." with a fake smile and people would just continue with their day as he choked back tears when he went to school. This had lasted for 13 years of his life, when seventh grade had hit it only got worse. He would break his mechanical pencils and self harm at school and no one would notice because he wore hoodies all the time. He hated every inch of himself because the two people who had bullied him for years had made him hate himself. He hated how long his neck was, he hated how pale he was, he hated his arms, his legs, his face. So he did everything he could to cover it up. He wore scarves to hide his neck, he wore hoodies to hide his arms, jeans to hide his legs, and sometimes wore gloves to hide his hands because he was that self conscious. Yet no one took notice and no one cared about him enough to tell him any different. He grew out his hair and had bangs because he hated his forehead and his eyebrows, he did all of this because he hated how he looked so much and constantly looked at everyone and wondered "Why is everyone so beautiful? Why can't I be like that". One year of seventh grade and he decided to leave his stupid asshole friends and turn to his best friend who he had developed feelings for over time. He can remember their hands touched once and Lane pulled his hand away and looked at him with disgust and said "Ew." which stung Cole's already damaged heart. He tried to make a move on his crush/best friend and all he said was "Your ugly." and that cut him deep and made him realize he could never be loved by anyone else. He was called ugly or "Have you seen his face?" or "Have they seen his face?" these were phrases his bullies Cassleman and Morgan had said to him many times. This was beginning to take a toll on Cole and his self confidence, which had shriveled and died later in the year. After a few months, he had dumped the cousin of his bully, and didn't date anyone for awhile because he wasn't in a good place. He was surrounded in darkness in his mind, his only true friend was himself. He'd built walls around his heart and himself and kept himself from getting too close to anyone in fear of being hurt again. He had lost all hope for himself and almost gave up on life, until he had met someone who had finally given a shit about him a light that casted away all of his shadows. Dowling was a girl he had met in one of his classes, she was extremely nice to him and offered him to sit with her and her friends Laymen and Morhman. In the beginning he was very skeptical about how nice Dowling was to him. But little by little they all became close friends and life was good. He even cut his hair to make it shorter and stopped wearing scarves and didn't wear hoodies as much but if he did he would roll up his sleeves and show off his bracelets on his arms. He had finally felt like he belonged, he felt loved. Him and Kaufmann even started talking again and Cole developed a flirtatious side and worked on pickup lines for all of his friends. He even dated people again which didn't last long. Until it came back, his flirting became a way to hide his true feelings. He fake smiled more than before, and he felt out of place again because he felt like a burden to everyone and he still thought that he was the same ugly freak loner that no one loved or appreciated. That feeling hit him hard, it came crashing down on him and it felt like he had been hit by a bus. The feeling came back because of his father. The one who praised and showered his older sister with compliments and love. His walls came back up and he shielded himself from the world after something in his mind told him "He's never going to treat you like that." "He never really loved you." "Your worthless." and Cole believed it. He longed for the sentence "I'm proud of you." to come from his Father and be directed at him. He begged the world just to hear it, he would give anything just to hear one sentence. Cole cried to a movie where a Father of a character said he was proud of his son. He cried into a pillow to a scene of his own father saying those exact words to him. His mind torturing him every day to that scenario. He started hating himself again, for not being the perfect son, for being so different, for being the way he was. All he wanted was the praise of his father, but he knew it would never come. Cole didn't like being active, his sister did. Everything that his father expected was what his sister was, and Cole hated himself for not being like her. He was surrounded in darkness again, just as things started to look up for him everything came crashing down. He didn't tell anyone how bad it was, how bad he was hurting. He cursed at himself for being weak when he cried in front of people or in general. He wanted to be perfect, but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't change himself to meet his father's expectations. This time the feeling made him numb, expressionless, and cold hearted. He had no one to turn to, he felt as if the world had finally turned it's back on him and left him for dead.