You May Be The One

She walked through her house straightening every last thing she could see. She was anxious so she began to light the candles and incense. She hadn't seen him in a week. He told her he would be coming tonight, she just wasn't sure when. Walking out onto her deck she closed her eyes as she held onto the railing. She took in the scent of the ocean, the sound of the waves. She let them fill her and allowed them to calm her. She opened her eyes and looked at the pale moon over the ocean. She stayed there just taking it all in for longer than she planned. Leaving the door open she walked back into her living area and sat on her sofa. She thought he would be here by now.

At midnight she blew out all of the candles. She wanted to call, to know why he hadn't come, to make sure he was ok. After all of this time she still couldn't shake that instinct she had, that need to protect him, to take care of him. She picked up the phone, but she put it down. If he wasn't coming there was a reason and it probably wouldn't help if she was calling his cell phone.  It was late, but she wasn't tired so she turned on a movie, part of her still hoping that he would come or at least call. He never did. She cried herself to sleep that night wondering how she had ended up in this place. Desperately trying to find a way out of it. 

He finally found his time to escape. He grabbed his keys and quickly walked to the door and just as he started to turn the knob he heard a voice from behind him, "Lindsey, where are you going?" Shit. Kristen. "Oh, I just wanted to get out for a bit. I thought I would just go out for a drive." he replied lamely. He wondered if she believed it. He'd been going to Santa Monica a lot more lately. He wondered if she noticed how often he didn't come in. He wasn't sure he cared. "That's sounds nice, mind if I tag along?" Kristen asked. Lindsey sighed inwardly, "Sure, let's go." he replied. What was he going to say? No, sorry you can't go because I'm going to see the woman I'm in love with? Sorry, but you're cramping my style? He didn't have a choice here. 

The ride was awkward. Kristen tried to make small talk with him and he gave one word answers. He just didn't have much to talk about with her. He loved Kristen, he really did, but not in the way that one was supposed to love their wife. He loved her for giving him his three children. He probably no, definitely wouldn't have married her if she hadn't gotten pregnant. If she hadn't gotten pregnant his life would have been much more of what he was trying to get it to now. He couldn't think that way, he loved his kids and wouldn't trade them for anything. Stevie loved them, too. Stevie. He couldn't stop thinking about her. She was probably pretty hurt that he wasn't there. He pictured her sitting and waiting for him. God he hated living this double life. He didn't know if he had any other choice at the moment though. How could he just walk away from his family?

Kristen noticed Lindsey fidgeting all evening. He stole glances at his watch almost every few minutes. He seemed antsy. She tried to engage in conversation, but he didn't seem like he could get his mind there. He was somewhere else. He was always somewhere else. He would be going back on tour in a little over a month, he had already been gone for 9 months and she could tell he was ready to be gone again. She wished he would at least pretend to be happy to be home or in her company. The first month of the break he had seemed like he was happy to be there, but as the days went by he became distant, distracted, and maybe even lonely, as hard as that was for her to comprehend. Then she heard him talking on the phone in a hushed voice acting as happy as could be. He would hang up the phone, walk back in the room and he was back to moody, sulking Lindsey. Three weeks ago he started leaving at night. She pretended not to notice when he walked in from the studio at 9 a.m. acting like he had been there all night working. She never let on that she heard his car leave at night and come back in at 6 a.m. She hid her shock the first day she caught of scent of perfume. One she hadn't smelled before, but she knew where it came from. 

She had always taken comfort in the fact that Lindsey always wore his wedding band, always came home to her. Last week he didn't come home until noon. He had never stayed gone that late before. The kids were getting older, Lindsey's songs were getting more desperate. He didn't even try to conceal the longing he felt for the "black angel." He only talked about her and fixing things "in their own time." She knew he wasn't talking to her.  When she saw him pick up his keys that night she couldn't just sit there and let him go God knows where (he did know, Kristen knew too if she let herself be honest with herself) and do nothing. She couldn't be worried about the state of her marriage if she didn't even try to stop him from going. She asked him if she could go. She sensed his disappointment, but at least he would be with her. He was silent most of the ride. She studied his face and seemed surprised that it didn't seem angry, but serene. She thought maybe she had read this wrong, maybe he was happy to be with her. Until she tried to talk to him. When he finally answered it was like he was coming out of a daze. Her heart dropped. He was there physically with Kristen, but in his mind he was with her. What was she going to do?