16

Don't Stop Believing

I need to go.

It was late and too dark to see past a few street lamps. For the first time in a long time, no cars zoomed past, the bars and conviene stores were empty, and no stragglers hid in the shadows.  It was creepy, the feeling where you know a place or thing should look a certain way but it doesn't. The whole city seemed to be sleeping under the watchful eye of the night sky. Hanging over it beamed a crescent moon and a handful of stagnant stars.

For the first time in a long time I was actually alone. There's a difference between feeling lonely in a crowded place and being alone in an empty space. At least in a crowd, some part of you knows that there are others just living their lives right outside the bubble. That whatever you're feeling is just a drop in the ocean of the bigger picture. Here, there was no one to provide a distraction. There was no 'bigger picture' to allow you to get lost in the world. You couldn't pretend that you're better than what you are because some starving child in Africa has it worse. It's just you and your loneliness and I'm still not sure which one's worse.

I need to keep moving.

Blocks blurred together into an endless stream of hollowed shops and darkened signs. Barns And Nobel's, Lands End, Dick's, Hot Topic, and other places slowly melted away into the same nameless backdrop. Maybe, in different lifetime I would have shopped there. I just tightened my grip on the strap of my bag and kept walking. Thinking those thoughts would get me nowhere, not like I had anywhere to go but still.

Eventually, I saw a lone bus parked next to a lamp post. I scanned the scene. There was hardly a difference between this block and the ones I passed before. Only after a closer look did I notice a little mass of a person in an alley a little ways away. Shivering from the cold, they looked so small and beaten down. Lol same.

Armed with with some change and my book-bag, I  approached the bus. From what I can see there was no one on it. So, either I'm about to be brutally murdered or the driver just wants to finish their route and head home. I looked at the slumped form of the driver and continued my approach. Ohshitohshitohshit I probably should've had a plan before walking up here.

"Excuse me, sir." I tried to be as polite as I could just in case he was possible ax murder who decided to become a bus driver for extra cash. I bet ax murdering doesn't pay well, unless you took the money of your victims I guess. He didn't respond. At this point I just hope he isn't dead. I took the time to say my options I could probably outrun him and hide in a dark corner if worst comes to worst. What if that's what he wants me to think? Interrupting my growing panic, the driver lifted his tired eyes and slowly focused them on me. I quickly took the rest of my change out of my pocket and counted it.

"How far would $7.18 get me?"

"Look, sweetie," he drawled, "this's my last stop. Unless you wanna come home with me, that'll get you to he end of this block."

Fuck.

I didn't know what to do with myself. My only plan fell through and I'm stuck in a dark corner of a random town with a driver who is tired and still debatably a serial killer.

"Sorry to disturb you," I said, "and thank you for your time. I turned to leave, but before I managed to get a few feet away from the door his gravely voice made me pause. "Oi! Be careful, ya hear! It might not be as dark but it's still a crescent night. Strange things be happenin' during crescent nights." I froze. It took me too long to realize what he said and question the last part of his speech.

By the time I turned back around the bus was nothing more than two fading lights in the distance. Not really sure what to do with myself I just continued my trudge onward. Passing the person, I dropped the rest of my change in their cup and said a silent prayer to the watchful moon. I'm not sure I believe in a higher power but I might as well pray to what seems to be the protector over this night.

Crescent Night

The words echo in my head. What did the driver mean? Especially when he said that strange things happen on nights like these. I make my way to a nearby bench and look up and stare at the moon. It looks so close like I could reach up and un my fingers across its surface or feel the raised indents of the stars.I love the dark, the quiet that follows the nighttime. Everything feels raw. This is how Earth would look if we didn't just happen to be a hundred million miles from a burning ball of gas. Then everything slipped away.

I was wrong. It isn't creepy.

This is the type of night where the truth comes out. Friends on the phone past midnight just relishing in the silence or lovers confessing under the stars or a teenager sitting in a dark room and losing themselves in their headphones or a group of friends huddling around a bonfire . On nights like these, the demons and the monsters are afraid of the dark. Just for these few moments I wasn't alone. I was with the moon and the stars, and the darkness wrapped me in it's warmth, and the peace soothed my soul and I relished in it all.

"They say when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares right back at you," an old lady said with a smile and a twinkle of amusement. I was too caught up in the serenity that I didn't notice her walk up. She didn't seem like much. Her frail body stood with respect and a sort of self that you only get when everything aligns and you know exactly who and what you are. Wrinkles covered her pale, slightly smudged face and made her cheeks look worn and sunken. Her light crystal eyes glistened with mirth, strength, and a wisdom that had to have come with age and experience.

YPT is telling me that no matter what someone looks like they could be a molester or a killer, but deep down I know she meant no harm.

"Are you okay, ma'am? Do you need help with anything?" A kind old granny should not be walking around alone this late at night no matter how strong or wise she appeared to be. The corner of her mouth twists up just a pinch with an I-know-something-you-don't-but-I-am-going-to- pretend-and-see-where-this-goes look. Her eyes twinkled with amusement. "I'm fine dearie, now what is a girl like you doing here at a time like this?"

"Just traveling."

"And where to?" I break our I contact to stare back up to the sky. It seems a little brighter than before. I tried not to think about that. Of course I know that a lone girl a dark city is bound to lead to something terrible. It's stupid to run away without an idea of where I want to go and I don't know yet but I know where I don't want to be and that has to be good enough for now.

"I see." the woman says nodding as if I just told her my whole origin story. "Just continue on your way and I know you'll find what you are looking for." She stands up, squeezes my shoulder and walks away. I must be at least a little high. I don't even know what I'm looking for and she says I'm going to find it. Maybe I should've walked her to wherever she was going but a part of me knew that it would have been pointless.

After that unusual and mildly concerning conversation I continue my journey. After what couldn't have been more than a few minutes I see a pair of lights getting bigger and bigger. It stops in front of me and the doors slide open. Despite the rational part of me saying that this looks like a prologue to a crime show, an invisible force is pulling me towards the entrance.

I hesitate. Before I take the step I smile and I swear someone, something was smiling back.

As soon as I take the first step, I'm wrapped in comfort and warmth and a sense of belonging. The driver, a glowing young woman with an air of familiarity, asks me where I want to go.

I know now.

"Take me to a place where I will be happy." Not just content. I want to be where I won't feel lonely at night and I'll wake up surrounded by people who love me no matter what. I'll have crazy friends and we'll take aesthetic pictures and have inside jokes and we'll laugh at the weirdest things. I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and in my writing.

To be happy.

It was just a silly wish from a girl with nowhere to go. But the thing is, when you have nowhere to go you can go anywhere and everywhere.