What Happened To Us (Calum Hood X Reader)

Jokes (your pov)

I read over my email one last time, bottom lip between my teeth as I skim the words that I had written only a few minutes earlier. Everything I wrote seems like it isn't enough, as though my brain had so many thoughts, none of which could be converted thoroughly to words. Rereading the inappropriate joke in the middle of such a serious email, I consider deleting it, but decide to keep it in there just in case he would appreciate it.

If we were fighting in real life, I could imagine the smile that would pull at the corners of his mouth at my humor amidst such a serious moment. The chuckle that would break his stoic facade as he would hang his head in a laugh. I would feel my stomach bubble with happiness at the sound of his laughter. Only now, I can only hope he opens this email, let alone laugh at such a stupid joke.

I hit send before I talk myself into deleting the joke, and before my brain can fully process, these words are no longer only mine. They're flying through the internet waiting to be read by the person who hurt me most.

Closing my laptop and sipping my coffee, I clasp my hands under my chin and wonder how the hell I got here. How I am sitting in this coffee shop so damn early on a Saturday, sending an email in 2018.

I hadn't spoken to Calum in nearly half a year.

Actually, he hadn't bothered to talk to me in half a year.

Last time we spoke it was nearly midnight, sitting in the parking lot of an empty McDonalds. I can't remember much from that conversation, only that there wasn't much conversing happening. Only awkward silences and the occasional shuffling of our McDonalds bag, sitting in the passenger seat with the windows open.

"So, you're leaving soon huh?" I ask, despite knowing the answer already.

"Yeah," he says shoving a fry in his mouth.

I look at him, and I already know he doesn't have the balls to look at me.

I open my mouth to ask if he's excited, but I don't really give a shit. Instead my heart just bursts through my mouth.

"Calum, what happened between us?" I burst. I just can't handle this anymore. I can't handle more awkward silence, more shallow conversations, more one word answers.

"What happened? I'm so confused as to why we are like this?" I spew, and I can't stop. I can't stop because I'm so hurt.

"Like what?" he asks, still refusing to look at me.

"Like THIS!" I exclaim, throwing my hands out towards him, "You refusing to look at me, you refusing to give me answers."

"Is it because of that night you were drunk?" I shake my head, "I told you Calum that it's fine. You don't have to worry about it."

"NO, that's not what it is." He squeezes his eyes shut. "It's not that at all," he says softer this time.

"Really? Because I think that's exactly what this is." I sigh. I don't want to push him because I only know it's only going to make him shut down faster, but I'm tired of our friendship taking so much effort to function.

"Nothing's been the same since Cal, you haven't even looked at me in the face. I had to drag you out here to just talk to me." I try to reach out for his hand but he flinches away and I freeze.

He looks at me briefly before saying, "I think I should take you home."

That was disappointing. I put my hand back in my lap, and turn away towards the window.

When I expected him to say something, anything, he just starts the car and next thing I know, we're speeding towards my apartment going 10 above the speed limit.