Let me tell you about this situation. I've been feeling so unappreciated. Everything I do, it ain't enough. I done been lied to, I done fell in Love. The lyrics of Yung Bleu's Unappreciated played over and over in my head as I layed there crying my eyes out.
My heart had been ripped out, torn to pieces, and stepped on by my first Love. People think I'm crazy because it's been three weeks now, and I know that my friends are tired of hearing me talk about it and watching me cry, but I can't help it. How can you blame me, afterall he was my first Love, or at least I thought he was?
I still remember that dreadful day just like it was yesterday. To make things worst he did it over text. I mean, who does that? Then again he was kind of immature, but who cares I loved him and I still do.
"Hey, sweetie it's time for dinner." My mom blurted barging into my room. I don't blame her though, she has been knocking for awhile now.
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled not looking at her in hopes that she wouldn't notice that I had been crying and leave.
I heard the door close and I let out a sigh, Thank God . I felt my bed sink indicating that she was on the bed. Oops I guess I thought too quickly. "Honey, what's wrong?" she patted my back, I could hear the worry in her voice. I mentally rolled my eyes.
My mom was a sweet loving person, she was my best friend and I could tell her any and everything. For the past three weeks I've been lying to her every time she caught me crying, I would say that I missed my grandparents that both passed away two years ago. How long do you think she would believe that lie?
"There's nothing wrong, just some cramps." I partially lied, it was that time of the month but, the cramps weren't that bad for me to be sulking over it. The truth was I missed him, so much that I was willing to take him back the first chance I got. No matter how much he hurt me I would always go back. I did hurt him too, but I don't think it was worst than what he did to me.
"Are you sure? You haven't eaten in three weeks and those lies about your grandparents aren't going to satisfy my curiosity any longer." I mentally cursed myself. This is it, I would have to tell the Truth. Ugh, kill me now. I can no longer keep this from my mother. I'm going to have to tell her everything.
"I uh.. " I tried to get it out but it was so hard to even mention his name. "I'm scared to go back to school?" I said almost sounding like I was asking a question. Seriously Kiki? Great. I mentally face palmed myself. I lied again, let's just hope that she believed it.
"You're what?" The way she looked at me was confusing. I couldn't tell if she believed it or not. I sat there expressionless waiting for a response. Her facial expressions went from confused to sad. "Honey, I understand how you feel."
It worked? "You do?"
"Duh, I'm not slow you know. You're going to be just fine. Those kids that talk about you and laugh at you are just fans. Tell them yo mama said that's fan behavior which means your obviously their role model or a celebrity in their eyes." I just loved my mom. But the problem was I lied again. And deep down I knew that she knew that I was lying again.
I was aching, my heart had been broken not once but twice. He didn't even want to talk to me. I mean, who would? I don't think it's bad to still keep in contact with your ex. Is it? After all we were in the same class. I hate relationships where you're both in the same school. It's all fun until you break up and then you have to see your pain everyday until summer. Luckily this is my last year. But can I go a whole year watching him be happy while I cry myself to sleep everynight? I feel like when I see him on the first day, I'll fall into a fit of tears.
The only thing I can do is turn to my Father in heaven.
After dinner, I went upstairs to take a shower and get ready for bed. My shower was long and cold, I cried the whole time. Putting on my favorite pajamas I crawled into bed pulling out my laptop. I binged watched Netflix all night and cried like a baby. God, why was this so hard? Why won't it just end. I want it all to end.
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What? They were my favourite and it's really cold in this house. Anywayyyysssssss.
I was getting so fed up with myself. Why was I still obsessing over him? He clearly doesn't care about me so why should I care about him.
Maybe if I block him on all apps then I won't be able to see his face and I won't think about him? Nah, of course I'll still think about him. But, it might work. I deleted all his pictures and blocked him on all social media I even deleted his number.
I still know it out of my head 80- wait why am I telling you guys this? Anyways, I feel great. The question is, how long will it last?
