'I need to be fitter.' This is what I kept repeating to myself, everyday and everytime I would consume a cinnamon roll. I reckon the majority of people think this thought at least twice a week, sometime between the Chinese takeaway on Wednesday and the twenty pints on Saturday.
"You need to be fitter." Great, bloody marvellous. All I needed was my mum pointing out the obvious.
"I know." My mother and I have a minimal relationship, ever since the passing of dad last spring we would only communicate when really necessary, not knowing what the other was thinking and not wanting to ask.
"Are you excited?"
I struggle to find the right answer. I'm finding it difficult to be around her and it's not her fault, I just can't look at her without thinking of dad and I don't blame her for what happened but I think it will be for the best if I move out.
"Yeah, more nervous than anything though."
"It will be fun, it's something different isn't it?" I can tell she doesn't know what to say, since when was joining the navy fun? Daunting? Yes. But hardly fun if you've done your research.
"I guess, I'll deffinitely be in shape by the end of these four weeks."
Going into the army was a pretty big dream of mine, it was meant to be something that my dad could watch me do and be proud of me for, but, things weren't meant to be and I would have to be proud of myself as mum was completely against the idea of pursuing a career that was a 'waste of time'.
My bag was packed and I was frightened to death.
"Call me... or write, at least four times... one a week, please" I hug my mum, even though our relationship isn't great, she is the only thing that I know as home, she is the only one that is still here, by my side.
"Of course." I smile weakly and then I find myself struggling with my luggage to get onto the coach.
As the coach fills up, I try and drift off to catch some sleep as I know the next four weeks are going to be physically and emotionally draining for me.
I wake to the sounds of excited girls and women talking at a fast pace about the adventure of 'army life' that they are hoping to explore. 'Yeah right, it's going to be torture for you' I think slyly as I look at the woman with long brown hair, curled to her waist with her freshly manicured nails, talking animatedly about how she'll miss her 'hunk'.
I hear a small 'hmph' at my side, looking to find a small girl, probably around the same age as me, clearly thinking along the same lines as me. She notices me eyeing her and raises her head towards the group of giggling girls around the previous mentioned brunette.
"She'll not know what's hit her when we get there, I'm just guessing but I don't think it's the best idea to go with a full face of makeup... I'm Hannah by the way" She smiles encouragingly at me.
"Kacey" I smile politely, yet I can't help but feel a little intimidated, I'm not sure why, in terms of height I'm clearly over a head taller than her even though she's sitting down, perhaps I'm jealous of the way she seems so confident, somewhere where I lack enthusiasm is confidence.
From then on, I learn that she's from a small town near Bridlington, she is the same age as me at eighteen and this is her backup plan after uni went down the drain. She's a Gemini, with two brother and three sisters and a boyfriend who thinks it's the craziest idea yet that she wants to earn a green berret.
"You wanna stick in this together?" her smile comforts me and I find myself nodding and eventually laughing with her when she tells me of all the mischief she got up to in her younger years.
