Six years together and suddenly our world start falling apart. What have I done to you to deserve this too much pain? Where did I fail?
Jaize and I met when I was sixteen years old. It wasn't love at first sight. It was more of,"Who in this world is this weird looking guy?," from my side and,"Who does she think she is?,"from his side! Definitely not a love at first sight. It was love at second sight.
We saw each other again few months after that weird encounter of ours and finally spoke to each other. Later on he confessed that he though I was our common friend's aunt and that I took him by surprise! He liked me then as I did of him. Second time around.
We've been friends for almost a year, waiting for him to finally ask me to be his girl but nothing. Even my mother was getting antsy as to when we're going to finally be together. It was exactly a year when he finally came to me and declared his love. I was so in waiting that I already have a card written for him if ever he said it. A love response from me letting him know that I too love him. The rest was history.
That was six years ago. We're both graduate now and working. The whole entire college days I was his and he was mine. In my head we're going to get married but never spoke about it. We're now meeting other people and spending time with our own circle of friends.
Then he met someone.
I will never forget the night that we were together when his cell phone made the text sound. I know in my heart that I have to read it. I grabbed it from his hand and saw the most terrifying text one girlfriend could ever read," I'm home now. Goodnight and I love you!". With that, my world crumbled! I'm sharing him with another! My heart ached so much that I threw the phone to a wall. It just hurt so bad.
He never said anything nor told me it's just a mistake. I knew in my heart he had feelings for the other girl. I knew then that we were through. That it was the end of his love for me. I just didn't see it coming. He just didn't want me anymore and so I had to say yes to the ending that was inevitable. But I died that day...because I love him so much. Now, I don't exactly know what to do with myself. For the past six years, I was with him and I rely on him most of the time. Right now all I feel is lost and abandoned and damn it hurts in my heart. It really hurts.
Then he left. Work related they said. I tried to see him off in the airport that day but when he saw me, he just asked me why I was there? Really? I'm here to say goodbye and hoping beyond hope that you might want me again. But there was no hint of him loving me anymore. Why? Six years was not enough for you? I loved him all those years even now.
He left me for good. I didn't even dare to ask him if they were still together. I didn't care. In my heart, he needs to know how much I love him. I need to let him know that I can forgive him and we can be together again. I need to let him see that I'm still here for him. Even if it hurt so much I need to let him know.
Letters upon letters were sent back and forth. I didn't care every time that he tells me that we are not going to be together anymore. All I know is that he's still answering my letters and that meant he still cared. I can still hope for both of us to be together again.
Eight months have passed and I have lost a lot of weight. He's miles away from me but I long for him so much. I still write him letters but now he seldom write back. My mother said to move on and maybe give others a chance to get to know me. Maybe I'll find someone who will love me more than how much I love. But I wanted him. Loved him still.
I finally wrote my last letter to him.
I wrote down that clearly I understood that he doesn't want me anymore and that I am allowing myself to finally let go. I still love him so much and as I was writing my last letter, tears were streaming down my face and if cry some more, my heart would burst and maybe finally I'd die and perhaps the pain will go away. I ended my letter by saying that I still love him and that he will forever be my first love. I thanked him for all the love that he showed me and made a final note that I finally can let go and that he will never hear from me again.
But before I was able to mail my letter, he called.
He came back home. Came back home to me. There were no words left to say when we saw each other the day he came to see me. We held each other for the longest time. There were tears but no words spoken. There was just love between us. Nothing else mattered that day we saw each other again. It was just him and me, his warmth, my breath, his arms around me and all my love for him. I'm finally back in his loving arms and he's finally mine again.
Our love was not easy but I chose to stay and showed him how much I love him.
That was 21 years ago.
He's sound asleep beside me as I write this story.
My forever—-who I never gave up on.
My love and life.
Mine.
