My Happy Little Pill (Troyler)

1

My name is Troye Sivan. My birthday is June 5th, 1995, making me 19 years old. When I was 17, two years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was given medication, but it barely works. Around half a year later, I turned to drugs and alcohol, but nobody knows about that other than me. I have a YouTube channel, which I started some time ago, but it's the only thing keeping me sane, except for the drink and drugs.

My YouTube channel has over two million subscribers, which is a big deal for me. I love every single one of my subscribers to pieces and wouldn't change it for the world.

I have many friends in the YouTube community, including Caspar Lee, Zoe Sugg, Marcus Butler, and my absolute best friend, Tyler Oakley.

I'm staying at Tyler's house next week as I'm staying in America for two weeks. I'm going to have to find a way to bring my pills and drink and the rest of the lot into Tyler's without him becoming suspicious. If he found out, it would kill him. He'd probably hate me too.

~

I woke up and looked at my phone to check the time. 6:16am, that was impressive for just getting to sleep at 2:30am. My flight to Michigan was at 9am, so I had just over 2 hours to get ready. I got out of my bed and walked to my wardrobe to pick out an outfit. most of my clothes were packed in my suitcase for Michigan, so there was a small range of clothing actually in my wardrobe.

I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans, which weren't actually very skinny fitted on me since I have really thin legs. I then chose a navy blue button up shirt. It's not something I'd usually wear, but hey, why not?

I gathered up my clothes, grabbed a towel, and made my way to the bathroom. I sat my clothes on the floor and turned on the shower, making sure it was on it's hottest setting.

~

Once I was out the shower, I went downstairs to get my breakfast. I made some coffee, and grabbed a cereal bar from the box that was sitting on the counter. I quickly finished what I was eating and checked the time. 7am. I went back to the bathroom to do my hair. I combed it through before towel drying it, as it was still wet. Once it was reasonably dry, I styled it into my usual quiff. Once I was done, I went to my room and sat on my bed. I unplugged my phone from the charger and opened up tumblr.

I scrolled through my dash for a whole before checking my ask. I scrolled through a few nice messages, before seeing the hate. I get hate quite a lot now. Usually about how skinny I am and how I can't sing or act. I studied the messages.

"haha gay fag, can't sing to save yourself!"

"why don't you just die already, you skinny freak"

"why did they even pick you for the spud films, you can't even act"

These were all messages that were too familiar. I started getting hate a few months ago, which just made my depression worse. I haven't told anyone about these messages, I don't want anyone to worry about me.

I'd been on my phone for a while now, since my laptop was packed in my suitcase. It was now 8am, I'd checked my tumblr, YouTube, and Twitter. I was still upset and annoyed at the messages I had received, but I knew crying about it wouldn't make it any better, and I'd already cried all my tears. I was sick of crying.

I reached for the bag of pills that lay between my bed and the bedside table. The bag was full enough to last me the two weeks in America. They made me high for around 6 hours. I grabbed one of the pills from the bag before stuffing the bag into my pocket.

I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water to swallow the pill with. Once I had swallowed it, it hit me instantly. Normally, I'd get dizzy for around five minutes, then it would calm down and I'd feel tipsy, but genuinely happy. I sat on a stool in my kitchen until the dizziness had worn off, then went upstairs, grabbed my suitcase, and brought it downstairs to put in the car. My dad was driving me to the airport, and Ty would pick me up when my