Lamentations #Wattys2020

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I decide to try and keep my attention on what my teacher is saying as Rakeem walks in. Late, as per usual, nothing new to any of us. He used to tell me that he didn't care because the school doesn't pay him to get to class on time and then I'd respond by telling him that time is money. Then he'd roll his eyes at me and tell me that that's why he didn't like me.

A bit of truth in every joke I guess.

It's hard not to notice him because it's practically natural for every girl in the class, no, the entire school to stare at him whenever he walks into a room or when he's parading the halls with his mates. That's what I used to do before we got together so I can't really blame them for it and anyway, it's not like he has a girlfriend.

However, it's still rule number one to act natural if you're still in love with your ex-boyfriend who wants absolutely nothing to do with you and that's because if you act like you couldn't care less, then he'll believe it. Who knows, maybe then you'll believe it too. Due to this, I decide to grace him only with a passing glance. My heart thuds as I realise that he's already staring at me, why is he staring at me? and so I find it harder to pull my gaze away. I wouldn't be surprised if a huge pimple had popped up onto my face out of nowhere and he couldn't take his eyes off it, probably thinking about the fact that he actually managed to waste time with me when he could have been enjoying life with the beautiful Nathalie, or the stunning Everdale, girls who were, are, more his...type. I bet he'd love Katarina. Oh he'd adore her.

'Sada?' Mrs Ramos calls my name, pulling me out of my thoughts.

'Yes ma'am?'

'You have a partner for your project?' She asks.

I already know where she's going with this. I wasn't present for the last class where people were paired up for the assignment and I know for a fact Rakeem wasn't here either because Katarina had told me, eager to fill me in on anything he was up to despite my desperate attempts to make him a thing of the past.

'No Mrs Ramos, but I was actually thinking about doing a solo project-'

'You know that's not how this works.' She smiles. I bite down on my lip, wishing that I could disappear. 'You and Rakeem can work together. And fix whatever problems you two are having whilst you're at it.'

I can't help the forlorn expression that takes over my face but I quickly try my best to wipe it away, especially as I hear the snickers that take over the classroom. Part of the reason that I'm still hung over him is because everybody knows what happened between us; it's the kind of drama everybody likes to talk about but be nowhere near involved.

'Um okay.' I mutter. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes, something that always happens when I feel frustrated with no way out. There's nothing I'd rather do than mourn the loss of my first love in peace which in this school, seems impossible. I take a moment to steady my breath and think about things that make me smile. Like the time Guinevere tripped down the stairs, something that could have resulted in a serious injury but was honestly something that we laughed about the most. Or when I was craving homemade cookies so badly that Katarina made me some and then delivered them right to my door.

Katarina gives me an encouraging smile as I grab my stuff and move to sit next to Rakeem. He's sat at the back of the class with his mates, an area of the classroom that's reserved just for them. I haven't spoken to any of them since the night Rakeem and I had our massive argument and he revealed the truth about our relationship to me. I'll be civil, but I'd much rather they don't make this difficult for me.