Dear You, (CONTEST)

Dear You,

Dear You,

        I cannot say your name because then I would expose myself and I'm not completely ready to come to terms with the facts that at one point I did this already and you rejected me. Not in a "stay away from me forever" kind of way, but  a "I'm scared to loose you" way. Somehow, that's worst though. Because you don't trust me enough to think that I know the pain of loosing someone that swore up and down that they would never leave you.  It's August and I've felt this way since January. Our IMessage games still sit in my phone along with the comments we used to make to see each other smile. To you I may be a simple memory, but I watch you with her and wish I was her. To me, you are the unlucky charm that I fall in love with every time I see you. I won't call you a drug to addicting to stop because that metaphor is over used and you are anything but overused. You're a note above my range. Every time I look at you, I get scared. I try my hardest and hardest to reach you, but every time I fall just a little bit short. I keep telling myself that one day I will get you, I'm just not sure when. It seems stupid and dumb, but trust me when I tell you that you consume my every thought. I do not understand how you just left me while I suffer. I hope you understand how much I want you and for you to be happy. However, I know that these two things cannot exist in the same universe at the same time. This letter is not to break you up, it's to let you  know that if things were still the way they were on that night, on St. Patrick's day, that basketball game, or any other time we were carelessly flirting, I would wish to sit there for an eternity. I do, however, notice that softness of your hands are gone. They are ridgid and sharp now. The swirl in your eyes are gone, it's mostly plain with hints of desperation. I still notice all of the small things about you. I just want you to know that I can see how hurt you are when she walks away from you when you cry. I still know all of the things you told me. How your dad died, the way your mom hates your ex, your little brother's name, everything. I hate that it was music that brought us together. Later, it brought you two together. Now, it's what keeps us apart. I'm not sure what happens now, tomorrow we may be together, or maybe it'll be next week, or next year. It might never happen and I could be stuck here forever. As for today, though, I'll just sit in my thoughts, mid-daydream thinking of you. 

                                                                                   Sincerely, 

                                                                                               The Girl You Once Loved