Unspoken Words to my 'What If' #ToAllTheBoysContest

Unspoken Words to my 'What If'

Dear former crush,

I never thought I'd do this, but in this moment in time, there isn't much left to say for you only now exist in the hidden parts of my mind.

You were kind, yet all at once pushed my buttons in all the sweetest of ways. God, there were many times where I wanted to just punch you right in those beautiful eyes of yours. I still remember the way they twinkled when the sun hit them. We were friends, good friends. Yet, that's all we ever were meant to be I suppose. At first, I thought it was unfair but now as time has gone on, I've come to realize that indeed there are some people who come into our lives for a brief moment in time whether we like it or not. That was you. No matter how hard I wanted to hold on, you were only meant to be my "what if", but I can't thank you enough. I was young, yes, but I was still able to feel things that I can only describe to be a Nicholas Sparks novel.

It was everything about you. Your eyes, your hair, the way you were okay with how I claimed your eyes as mine no matter where we would end up and claimed mine as yours in response. And god, it happened out of the blue. But it was still the best decision my heart has made to this day. Perhaps I was a fool for wandering into the realm of my dreams and imagining every and any scenario of us being... well, an us. Although now you're only a sweet vague memory, you were still someone who helped me grow. I dare not say that I loved you, but whatever is closest to that.

There was one day that I will never forget though. We were sitting; talking amongst each other and somehow, fate may know why your hand fell upon mine and I felt myself look away with a smile just begging to show itself on my lips. I don't know if you remember, probably not as it always felt that you were more important to me than I was to you, but your thumb began to caress my skin ever so softly and in that moment, I swear, we were the protagonists of our own romance novel.

But alas, we were not meant to be. I no longer look back to you with sadness, but with gratitude. You were the first person I ever truly had feelings for. So, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to understand that we are never too young have feelings that we may not understand. Thank you for being my safe haven for a brief moment even if I wasn't yours. Thank you for allowing me to see new colors within myself. Though you'll never see this, these are my words to you; my what if.

From the cliche 13-year-old me,

Wendy