AfterShock

Letter Two

The night after you took it all back, I was hurting more than I had ever hurt before.

And I had been hurt a lot of times before. By my father, by my bullies, by myself. I thought I had reached the limit to my pain. But I was wrong, because there was so much more pain to be felt. I wish I could say that all the unpleasant things in my life had prepared me for the moment you apologized for kissing me. But it didn't. The pain you elicited was sharp and went directly to my soul, cracking it more than it was already.

I spent nights crying myself to sleep after scrolling through my phone only to see you with her as if that night had never happened. What was it about her? She was mean and judgmental and all I had ever done was care about you. Maybe it was her popularity or her looks that drew you to her but I never thought your heart could belong with someone like her. But maybe I never did know your heart.

Two painful weeks I had to watch as you sat with her in the breakroom. Watched as she talked about you to everyone and I tried my hardest not to hear her. I didn't want to know about your dates and the things you did on them.

The sight of you coming in to watch a movie with her and seeing her laugh at one of your jokes will forever be ingrained into my mind. I had never felt jealousy but there I was biting my tongue to keep from crying.

I asked the manager to send me somewhere, anywhere to keep from having to help you guys. Anything to keep me away from the sight of her hand clasped onto your arm.

And then one day, I walked into the break room to see you sitting there alone. I walked to my locker and grabbed my earphones to keep us from talking. You sat next to me anyways and tried to talk to me. I turned the music higher and ignored the beating in my chest. Was my heart ever going to stop responding to you?

You tried again but were interrupted by her calling you in her obnoxiously loud voice.

Did she know about that night you held me in your arms? Did you even remember telling me that I was someone worth loving despite the fact that all I saw where my own flaws.

Somehow I doubted you did.

You looked at me one last time and walked over to her, leaving me there in that lonely break room with music blaring in my ears.

As time went on, the sting lessened but I didn't feel the same. It felt harder to smile and laugh and I found myself pulling away from everyone. I had lost faith in people

In the end, you solidified my belief that everyone was out to hurt me.