Unsent #toalltheboyscontest

You

I saw you today, or more accurately, you saw me. While walking through the crowded halls of our high school I happened to be pushed into your taunt chest. You turned to see who had been clumsy enough to walk right into you.

After setting your eyes on me I suppose you deemed me unfit for your rage and simply walked away. Three seconds, three measly seconds where all it took for you to infiltrate my mind for the whole day. You would never know but for the rest of the day, all I could think about were those eyes that managed to give me a portal into your usually closed off world. I saw the sliver of emotion that is usually hidden behind a stoic mask.

I wanted nothing more than to find out what you hide beneath the facade. At the same time, I don't. I had built this whole image of who I believe you to be. And to be honest I'm afraid to find out if I'm wrong. In my fantasy reality, you have deep untainted, untapped love that I want nothing more than to embrace. In my mind, your reserved nature is a defense mechanism to prevent yourself from getting hurt, that all you need is a catalyst to unveil the hidden side of you.

Instead of finding out the real reason for the lack of emotions, I do nothing. Why? I am a coward. What if you are nothing like I imagined, are you better, worse? And how would you react to being liked by a girl like me? I, who am average in every way and have nothing that sets me apart from the other hundred girls all vying for your attention.

I watch you day after day, trying to pry the mask off. But I don't even try to get close enough to actually rip it off. The fear that the shattered parts of the mask will cut my heart are to real and the danger of finding nothing under it keep me at bay.

I continue to watch from afar, trying to puzzle you out from a distance. To protect me from a broken heart I have built walls, not to keep you out but me in. After all it's for the best, ignorance is a bliss.