Suicide Awareness

Awareness

A poem about self harm and suicide.

This is a serious issue. Please reach out and get help from anyone. Please don't take the burden and suffer alone. You are never alone.

WARNING - Please don't read if you are triggered by such topics.

Useful Links:

Helplines Worldwide - http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

Awareness - https://save.org/

Self Harm - https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm

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As the haze slowly wears off
You take a look at yourself and blink
Tear tracks run dry on your cheeks and shallow breaths
You are numb, you don't even want to think

About what you have done dsperately
Your arms and legs are covered in red ink
Transformed into a canvas of hurt and depression
As you have been brought to the brink

You camouflage your sadness
And it's always I am OK, I am fine
Lies after lies even though you are
Exhausted emotionally on a decline

Always trying to be strong and brave
Never showing any holes in your facade
Never letting anyone break the ice
Slipping away playing the right card

Even one second of a day is eternity
A mixture of hell, worries and loneliness
Hopelessness negative feelings and hatred
Want, despair, need, total darkness
Keeping all to yourself, not wanting others to hurt
Pity or misunderstand or worse become enveloped in your blankness

Nothing can free you unless you hurt
As much physically as you are mentally
So you take the sharpness in your own hands
Making yourself the canvas oh so easily

It's not just sharpness, there's fire and burning too
There's on purpose falling and walking into things
There's plucking and pulling and bruises and fading
Not fading, the temporary relief all of it brings

But still smiling outside, hiding all
With years of practice, totally used to it
No tiny ray of hope, still not throwing a fit
Standing in false bravado, taking hit after hit

But there's no escape, no freedom
This will continue time after time
Until one day you can't do or take anything more
And you end yourself though it's a crime

So delicate as if made of glass
Always on other side, greener is the grass
Until you finally give up, stop fighting and let go
Not at all resting, you are your own foe

I wonder what is it that the devil wants
There's nothing more that can be given to you
Or anyone else for the matter
Everything stinking old and lost, nothing new

We will be great partners in everything
You (Devil) destroying others and me myself as usual
Making it easy for you, spreading darkness, negativity
Drawing blood, can't resist the eager pull

Such painful thoughts, emotions and surroundings
people, days pass by, never ever changing
Tears fall freely slowly deeply sadly 
Hurting blanking crying begging bargaining banging
Angst the world walls everyone everything
Scars physical emotional pain burning losing
Endlessly

I feel like dying, I feel like dying
On the outside, I am silent, I am lying
On the inside, I am screaming, crying
Lost in darkness, in chaos, never escaping
Suffocated, strangled, cuffed, forced, not breathing
I am drowning, sinking, losing, struggling

Wishing I would never wake up day after day
Not knowing whom to talk to or what to say
Not knowing what to do or the right way

So frustrated, there's a weight on my chest
My mind works tirelessly, negatively, without any rest
Feels like no hope, nothing meaningful, nothing best

Regretting one more day, hour, min, second spent alive
Praying desperately for anyone to kill me painlessly
Afraid of the pain of suicide,more scared of a failed attempt
This will never change, as I beg everyone to kill me mentally

**********

Thank you for reading!
Have a nice day :)

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