What I See

Late

Right, Hello, This is my first BTS Fic, so I hope you like it!

I dont know how often I will be updating this, but I have half of the second chapter done.

Trigger warnings: Depression and Eating Disorders as well as just not very happy themes.

____________________________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 1: Late

Jimin would definitely be lying if he were to say that this life is what he has always wanted. To say the least, it isn't what he is expecting.

He has always loved to dance, so when his instructor recommended that he audition for an entertainment company, he did not expect to become apart of BTS: a 7 member boy band that people around the world have come to love.

To say that he isn't grateful would be and incredibly untrue and gross statement. He loves his fans and he loves the other members of the band. He is more than lucky to be able to have this experience. After all, not many people get to have the chance to feel what fame feels like.

It isn't what he has expected at all though- the emotions that he has always felt before seemed to only become more loud, almost deafening. It feels like he cant breath when he is in the spotlight and he cant hear ARMY scream their names at the top of their lungs when BTS get the opportunity to give the fans a concert.

After every meal they eat, whether he eats very little or more than maybe he should have. His mind is plagued with a horrible sticky voice that couldnt be his, a voice that has made a home in the signers brain and refuses to leave.

Why would you eat that much?

Do you even know how many calories that is? Carbs? Do you know anything?

You are too overweight. What will everyone think of you?

You are bring down the team.

You are useless.

Of course he hasn't meant to allow these voices to get to him. He knew he needs to be strong and for the most part he knows a lot of them are for what they are, untrue.

The other members are always really good at complimenting each other, even he is really good at it. How could they not. They have all become some close over the past years, and now that they are working on their new album, love couldn't help be passed between the others. Compliments on new hair colors have been being passed around, especially on his new hair color, a very nice orange. He isn't sure how he is going to feel about the orange, he has heard from quite a bit of people that orange would never be a good looking color on anybody. Yet J-hope seemed to iste no time in telling him how handsome the other thinks he looks.

You're just saying that to make me feel better.

No... no... he knows that isn't true. Hoseok would never lie to him like that. He knows that Hoseok genuinely seems to love him, just as he seems to love everyone else. Even Yoongi's lingering eyes stayed on him for longer than he might normally look at the signer before he has mumbled out a,"You look good Jiminie."

***************************************************************************

"You look good Jiminie."

He picks those words apart as he stares at the man in the mirror. Brown eyes and bright orange hair and just fat, fat everywhere...on his thighs, on his arms and on his stomach.

What part of him looks good. What does Yoongi and the others see in him that he can't? He doesn't have a small figure, not in the slightest and he can see the way that his cheeks are plump and his jawline doesn't make sharp cut like it should. He can see how the muscles on his arms have been disappearing as he stopped going to the gym every day- he hasn't the time between their schedule, practices and lessons-