Questions | #toalltheboyscontest

I Still Miss You

Dear Crush,
This time last year I didn't know you. Sure, we were in the same class but I always saw you as an awkward, shy and quiet guy. Back then you never crossed my mind, simply another student in my class. How did it change so drastically? Now I think about you so often that it's uncomfortable to admit.

Do you remember when we became friends? I found you on Instagram and we talked all night about random things that I honestly don't remember. Back in the days that we'd talk to each other, and get teased that we liked each other. Isn't it funny how much things have changed? Is it normal how uncomfortable the atmosphere is when we talk in real life? Through text it was so much easier. And I think we both felt like we were talking to different people because of how drastically we act online and in real life.

I suppose I just miss those times. I miss when we used to talk for hours, when I would look on my my phone and get a huge dose of dopamine from seeing the "hey!" On my screen. Maybe I took advantage of our friendship. But I really did try my best to be a great friend.

Now things are different. We never talk anymore do we? We sit next to each other everyday but not a word comes out of our mouths. How did it end like this? What did I do wrong? Do you still like me? Are we still friends?

I guess you don't really need me anymore. And I thought I was willing to accept that. I thought that I could just ignore you for the rest of my life and forget we ever happened. But we did happen. And I guess that is something I just can't let go.

Even with how things have changed. Even when I tried to talk to you and you ignored me, I still miss you. Even though you look at my best friend with the same cute smile you used to give me, I still miss you. Even when you post about being rejected by her without even asking me for advice, talking to me about it or talking to me in general!

I.
Still.
Miss.
You.

Even with the pain in my gut I receive when I realise that I've been replaced and I mean nothing in your life, I still miss you. I don't even know if these feelings are that of having a crush or if I just miss you...!

...You don't need to like me. We don't need to be friends. But please, can't we just have one conversation that had the same feelings as before?

From a friend.