Hi, my name’s Selfish.
My whole life I’ve been lied to. By my parents, friends, lovers, teachers, basically anyone with the capability of speaking, has lied to me. Having said that, I’ve lied quite a few times myself. I’m not justifying lying. Just saying, I can’t blame all of them.
My life was pretty damn normal for about 11 years. I had two loving parents who loved each other. I had a sister that looked up to me and adored me. I had friends and was mainly liked by everyone in school.
Then he came.
I tried not to notice it. I tried to pretend like it wasn't happening. I tried to act as if everything was going to be okay and it was going to go back to normal.
Then mom left.
And dad broke down.
I was left alone. No one left to turn to. Sister was too young. Mother was too delusional. And father was too broken. What was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to go to? He took everything from me. How could I forgive him? We let him in. Gave him a home. This is how he repays us? I trusted him.
How could I forgive you?
It wasn’t long before he left mom too. Leaving her more confused and unstable as when he took her. The worst part was when he took the couch. I loved that couch. She gave everything up to be with him. Her entire family. She left it behind for him. How could she forgive him?
Then he came back. With the couch of course. And she let him in. He’s twisted her, broke her. To the point where he controlled her every move. he tried to fix things with sister and I, but we could hardly say his name without cringing. Being in the same house as him made us feel dirty. All his lies, his “acts of kindness”, we saw right through them. He corrupted her.
What a surprise he left again. Leaving her in shambles. Again. Took the couch. Again. I tried to comfort her and told her it was going to be okay, but I guess I was too young to understand. Or maybe she just didn’t want me to understand. Why you left us for him.
Selfish.
Hi, my name’s lonely.
Sometime after she left, dad found someone to “replace” her. However, no one can truly replace someone’s mother. Yet, she did a surprisingly good job. She even brought a son of her own too. I thought of him like a brother. She filled the hole in his heart, became a mother for sister.
Then she drank. It started small, but she wouldn’t stop. He tried to stop her after her visits to the hospital. She didn’t listen. She didn’t want to. I didn’t see it at the time. I couldn’t help her. Maybe if I talked to her more. She did so much for our family. Why would she want to throw it away?
Then she died. And put another hole in our hearts. Leaving her sons and daughters behind. I haven’t spoken to “brother” since. If I’m even allowed to call him that anymore. I don’t know if he’s okay. I don’t where he is or what he’s doing. He was gone. Just like her.
These are the things they gave to me. Greed. Insecurities. Lust. Doubt.
How was I supposed to trust someone like that ever again? How was I supposed to trust them? Since birth I’ve been lied to. On Valentines day I found out I have an older brother. Last year I found out about my older sister. Both from different parents. They don’t know I know. I don’t know what they would do if they did.
Would they apologize? Explain everything? Tell me why? Probably not.
I know I’m a little pessimistic, but what can I say.
I was born with it.
