The Person I'd Like To Be (Soft Regina)

Baby, Baby, Baby, You Got Me Talking Crazy

This sounds like plagiarism from @Jeffersonsmacaroni7 but I promise I have permission!

*8th grade*

She surprises like wild wildflowers on the side of the road, 

I didn't think I'd ever fall in love. Real love, not giggling over boys like all girls are supposed to do. I never thought I'd ever see someone and actually find them so special that I can't breathe. And of course, lucky me, I got Janis. Yeah, Janis Sarkisian. A girl who's stunningly beautiful, way too strong and my BEST FRIEND. You can't date your best friend. But she's too beautiful to resist.

 Does she know, does she know she grows where she's not supposed to grow?

Thorns are snagging on my lungs. Of course she'd be the one person who doesn't want me. I could have anyone, anyone at all, except the one person I actually want. And now I've not only lost my first true love, I've lost my best friend.

  Here's the type of town for taking root where getting by's our war cry,

I was the new kid. 4th grade starting a new school with strangers who don't take kindly to those they don't know. The only person who spoke to me was the little dark haired girl with the big chocolate brown eyes. We've grown up together, giggling over secrets in my room, sleepovers and shopping dates and sneaking away from crowds every lunch. But sometimes you just have to fit in. Be evil where you're not until they worship you. That's how you get your power. They love me or they think I do, but only Janis knows the real me.

 Settle down and reconcile. Settle down and reconcile that your decisions aren't your own,

She turned away. My lips touched hers for the briefest of moments. Her eyes were wide, shocked. She never felt the same way. Now she'll hate me, she'll tell the school. I can't let them know. I can't do anything else, I can't lose my power. Gretchen will spread it like the plague. I'm sorry, Janis. I can't let them know.

"She kissed me! Yeah, Janis! I was just stood there and she attacked me! Ew, what a nasty little dyke. Tell everyone that they need to be careful or the filthy little dyke will make out with them."

 You present a life I've never known,

She's stronger than I could ever be. Her head is still held high, she smiles with her new friends. I don't know how to crack her. How can she not be hurting like I am? She clearly doesn't miss what we had. No-one ever likes me for who I am. The whole school hang on my every word. I can make her pay.

*Time skip to canon age*

  Now tell me, how can I stay?

I saw how you looked at that African girl. I recognised the dreaminess in your eyes. It's how I used to see you. You may not believe me Janis, but I miss you. I can't come back from where I am. I wish I could be a kid again. I just want you to see me, to know who I am again. If I befriend Cady, maybe, just maybe, you'll notice me again.

  You surprise me like wild wildflowers on the side of the road,

You wanted to bring me down. I can't blame you. I regret what I did, I really do. I was a kid with too much power and I was hurting. I deserve the pain. I'm sorry, I would take it all back if I could. I'm bored of my power. 

You're so strong, Janis. I always knew you'd do great things. I tell myself that I helped you get here, but all I did was hurt you. I hurt you too many times. I loved you, but I hurt you and now as you look at Cady, I see how I did it all wrong. You don't hurt the ones you love. I get why she chose you and I get why you chose her too.

 Purple and yellow wild wildflowers on the side of the road,

Flowers lay on the road where I.... fell. Flowers from every kid in the school or so it seems. They're pretty, but they're fake. I bet they're glad I'm gone. And when I say gone, I mean I'm gone for good. Never again will I regain my crown as queen bee. Janis, I'm doing what you always wanted. I'm being a normal girl again. One day, some day, I'll find a girl like you. One day... 

   Do you know...?

How I've kept every little sketch you gave me, every picture, every memory.

  Do you know...?

How beautiful you looked when I'd tell you to change your hair or put on more makeup. I just needed an excuse to stare at you longer, to run my hands through your hair, to see your face light up as you looked in the mirror. Do you hate it all now because of me?

  Do you know...?

That I never thought I'd love again. I dreamt of your honey eyes, your silky hair, your childlike smile that is now gone. I'm sorry, so terribly sorry, but I never got a chance to say.

  Do you know...? 

I finally found my person. She loves me back, I see my love reflected in her eyes. I'm happy and yeah, I know I don't deserve it, but I hope that you'd be happy if somehow you could know. I miss you, but I belong with her. I miss you, but I'm letting go. Goodbye, Janis.

  You grow where you're not supposed to grow,

I see your eyes in strangers. Well, never quite as pretty, but they're there. I see a girl with clothes you'd wear and my heart jumps until they turn around. I nearly bought you this nail file last week. It was your favourite shade of purple with crystals. You'd have loved it. Or.... twelve year old you would. I wonder where you are now. 

  Now, you're never getting out,

She married me. You weren't there. We promised to be each other's maid of honour. We promised we'd be friends until we died. And you're not dead... Would I know if you were?

I'm a married woman now. Wow. We're not children anymore. I can't love you anymore. I miss you, but this really is the end. My new life is beginning.... It's scary, but I'm happy. I'd promise I'm happy. I'd promise I'm over it. But then I'd be lying....