Cigarettes And Suffering||NAMJIN

i'm fine('༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ ')♡

Annyeonghaseyo

Mcscuse me mcbitch, it's June here. Me, as the co-owner want to write a fanfiction, I am literally the worst at making fanfictions, my Korean is even better than that. HAHA LMAO I HATE MYSELF. I want to write a namjin story. Worst idea ever. But okay, lets go.

As Jin walked down the hallway Jin felt someone is touching his shoulder. Jin turned around, A tall boy stood in front of Jin. He asked, 'Are you Kim Seokjin?' Jin looked at the taller boy with a frown on his face. 'Um yes... What do you want?!' Namjoon flinched by how hard Jin said it. 'U-umm, mr. Park set us up for the project we have in e-economy.' 'Oh you are that Namjoon guy he's always talking about, you always sit in the back right?' Namjoon didn't quite understand what Jin meant with "always". 'W-what do you m-mean with "a-always?" I don't understand.' 'I'm friends with his son, Park Jimin. Whe I eat there after singing practice he always talks about how good you are with economy and math.' Jin laughed a little when he said that. But he was also very sad, how could he set me up with the nerd of the class. 'Excuse me Namjoon, can I go to mr. Park? I need to ask him something.' 'Um yes ofcourse, see you later...' ' Bye...' As Jin walks to mr. Park's class he stumbles over a boy, he's a freshman. 'HEY LITTLE BOY, CAN YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING?!?! AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!' 'I-I'm sorry sir, it wont happen again. I p-promise y-you. I'm Jeon Jungkook,' is what the freshman says. Jin immediately responds with "s sorry wont fix my shoes". 'I- I- I'm sorry I will clean it for you.' 'No don't, I don't need your filthy hands on my shoes.' is what Jin says as he walks away. As he walks to mr. Parks classroom he thinks I mean- it's convenient to work with a nerd. He's smart and really good in economics. Okay nevermind. Jin walks away, he could really use a smart person. Jin is THE WORST in economics.

***TiMe SkIp***

As Jin walks home, he came across a beautiful house, bigger than you can imagine. It has the name "Family Kim" on it. No it can't be- can it? Is this Namjoon's house? No probably not, there are many more families with that name. when Jin decides to ignore it and just walk to his house, he felt something on his shoulder. When he turns around, he sees the same boy from before. Namjoon asks 'Why were you staring at my house for so long?' Jins thoughts go wild. Wait? HE lives HERE? I didn't know that. Namjoon gets Jin out of his thoughts. 'How did it go with you and mr. Park?' 'Oh- eeeuhh, I didn't go.' 'What were you gonna ask him anyway?' 'Would you stop bothering me?! Thank you. Bye.' 'Wait! Can I ge-' 'STOP BOTHERING ME! GEEZ WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK WITH YOU?!' 'I DIDN'T FUCKING ASK FOR THIS TOO. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING WORK WITH YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOU AND I NEVER FUCKING WILL! YOU MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL, ALWAYS HATING ON GAY PEOPLE. HATING ON PEOPLE WHO HAVE BETTER TEST RESULTS. I'M SO FUCKING DONE, YOU ARE SUCH A BULLY AND I DON'T KNOW WHY MISTER PARK DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! CAN YOU EVER FUCKING STOP WITH BULLYING? PEOPLE GET HURT YOU KNOW!' 'Oh, wow Namjoon I didn't know you were capable of being this angry, I-I'm sorry. I didnt know y-you could be c-capable of this. I'm really really sorry.' 'Hey uhm- do you feel alright? I didn't mean to startle you.' 'I'm fine.... I'm always fine.' 'You dont look fine. Bullying usually starts as a reaction when you get bullied.' 'N-no I'm f-fine. Bye, I gotta go.' 'Take care, Seokjin. See you at school, bye.' 'Bye...' Jin started crying when he walked away, HOW could someone you've bullied be so nice to you?

Sweet as sugar hard as ice. The ones with the kindest hearts can have the darkest soul. The one with the biggest smile can have the most broken heart. The ones who say they are fine aren't really "fine". Never judge a book by its cover. If you say one wrong word you can make people go from loving their body to destroying it. Please be careful with what you say.

That's what Jin read on his mail when he opened it after three months, he received this from an unknown mail address. Jin started crying, fell of his chair, hit his head and fell asleep on the ground. Jin never knew his words could make someone so depressed. The words in his mail kept lingering through his mind. Jin woke up with a really bad headache. It was 3am, everyone was asleep right now, Jin thought I need to punish myself for all the foul shit I did. Jins hands started shaking.
How can putting someone down be so fun? HOW can this feel so good? HOW can seeing someone in pain make you happy? WHY do you make things so bad for other people? WHY?! Is it to make you feel good? To make you feel like you are the best?
Jin stood up and walked to the bathroom, he didn't have to look for the razors because he knew where they were. Jin has been clean for four years.

(SKIP IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SELFHARM)

⚠⚠️⚠️⚠️️selfharm warning⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Do you really want to read this?

Really?

You still have time to skip

Are you sure?

I'll start

Here

((Gze June, I jus want to read ;-; -Star))

((Star i was just warning someone gze. ;-; -June))

Jin grabbed his razor, he placed it on his arm. He made one line.
Two lines.
Three lines.
He saw the blood running down his arm, he missed it. Just the tingling pain in his arm. He wanted more. All his old cuts were already faded away. He let the faucet running, he put his arm under the hot water, it amazes Jin that every drop of water that hits his cuts turn red out of no where. Jin stops the faucet, cleans his arm, and puts his sleeves down.

⚠️SELFHARM WARNING DONE⚠️

He walks downstairs his two-story home, grabs his wallet and he goes outside. It's 3am, all stores must've been closed by now. Except for the convenience store. He goes inside and buys two packs of marlboro and a red lighter. He goes outside of the store and he put one in his mouth and he lit the tip on fire. Why do I have to be so broken? And why do I have to act like everything is alright? I can't pretend anymore. I want to make my words I have said al these years come true. I dont want to say that I'm fine when I'm not. I don't want to lie anymore, I want someone to talk to. Just someone who'll listen to me. Wait- I can ask Namjoon. He wanted to help me. Jin almost burns his finger to the burnt up cigarette. He throws the cigarette away. He decides to walk to Namjoons house, Namjoon will probably be asleep or something. But Jin doesn't care, he needs someone to talk to. He almost reaches Namjoons house, when he sees there comes light from his house. When he reaches the door he bonks on the window. (Probably) Namjoons mom opens the door. 'H-hi, c-can I speak N-Namjoon?' 'Yeah sure, he's upstairs. Second room to your left.' 'Okay thanks mrs. ?...' 'Mrs. Kim.' 'Thanks mrs. Kim.' 'No problem.' As Jin walks up the stairs he hears someone rapping. Wait is that Namjoon?'. As Jin walks into the second room from the left he sees Namjoon rapping. Namjoon jumped in his chair, 'W-what are you doing here so late?' 'I felt really depressed tonight. And you are the only one who really wants to listen to me. And i know this isn't the most convenient time, but please help me.'you were the only one who noticed that I wasn't fine. I really need someone to talk to.'

I told you im the worst at writing ;-; hope you guys still enjoyed... love you all!! stay save, eat well, dont hurt yourself. star and i love y'all