A Minds Control

To anyone who finds this,
June 3, 1968

Some may call it crazy, to hear the voices in your head sing a sweet melody to you. To speak to the inner voice that rest in your brain...to do as the voices tell you, but it is not crazy my friend.... IT'S INSANE! Do not let them tell you what to do! It is all wrong....this has been going on for months! I feel as if something evil dwells inside me....like....like a demon, a demon spirit. I warn you my friend to listen well to me. To ignore whatever they tell you. The insanity has already taken over half of my body...I even feel it in my hands as I write. Their key is repetition! They repeat everything over and over and over! I hear them now, laughing, scratching, tapping... how loud can they be? Before it has taken full control of me and my life, I beg of you to keep your sanity...because it may be the only thing you have left. No longer is it silent in my head. I rock in my chair, back and forth, back and forth, hearing every single creak. Never repeat! It is their trick! It is how they get you... how they trap you. I can do this repetition no longer, so I've taken the burden to end this insanity at its source; me. But before my demise, I will tell you how it all began.

It was a cold night, much different than the rest, being that it was the middle of summer. I remember awaking to the icy chilled breeze bursting through my window. I sat up in my bed, wondering how my window had opened on its own. I close my window and lie back down in bed, a bit confused, but not at all alarmed, it was only the wind right? As I found myself drifting off, my window burst open again. In frustration I jump to my feet, slam the window shut, and lock it. I lay back in bed, relieved that I can now sleep in peace. The warmth of my sheets, and silence of my room, drifts me off into slumber. Suddenly in the silence of the night I hear someone whisper my name at the foot of my bed. The voice is all too familiar; because it is mine. This voice that sounded like a replica of mine uttered my name in repetition. My eyes dart open, to see nothing in the room but me staring at myself in my mirror. My window locked shut, everything in place, except this time my door was ajar, open just enough so that someone could peak inside. I remain in bed, thinking it was only a dream, the window, the voice, all of it. I close my eyes, and the voice continues. Was it mocking me? Was I mocking myself? Who did this voice belong to? Was I speaking my sleep? This voice doubled into two in the matter of seconds. Both of the voices began to laugh, the second voice sounding just like the first. The voices now sounded like a crowd. I heard them, I heard the voices in my head sounding just like me, laughing at me... mocking me.  I clutched my hands over my ears trying to tune out the voices, but it only made it worse, louder and louder they were! More laughter! More mockery! "SHUT UP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.  I heard them; all the sounds were now stuck in my brain. The sound of the wind blew past my ear like breath; the leaves rattling on the trees sounded like gunshots firing for war, the silence of my room made me feel like I was the only man left on earth! I needed to leave my home; I had to get away from this! I sprang up from my bed, running out of my room, only to awake in my room again. I felt the icy chilled breeze bursting through my window. I sat up in my bed, wondering how my window had opened on its own. I close my window and lie back down in bed, a bit confused, but not at all alarmed, it was only the wind right? As I found myself drifting off, my window burst open again. In frustration I jump to my feet, slam the window shut, and lock it. I lay back in bed, relieved that I can now sleep in peace. I close my eyes trying to fall asleep, but this feels all too familiar like I had done this before. Suddenly in the silence of the night I hear someone whisper my name at the foot of my bed. The voice is mine. This voice that sounded like a replica of mine uttered my name in repetition once more. My eyes dart open, to see nothing in the room but me staring at myself through my mirror, except only this time there is a paused image of me running towards my door.  I realize that this has happened before. I jump out of my bed, but this time I run to my widow, unlocking it, and crawling out, only to awake standing in front of my window, feeling the icy chilled breeze blow across my face. I back away from my window in fear. I heard them again, the voices now trying to control me, telling me to lie down; I heard ringing in my ears. I screamed, trying to ignore the sound. Louder and louder the voices got! No matter what I did, I still awoke in my room! I ran out the door, jumped out the window, broke a hole through my wall and even burned down my room from the inside, but still in my room I awake to the sound of my own laughter! It has been night for months now, the time is stuck on 3 AM, and in my mirror is a vivid image of me trying to escape this horror. So yes, some may call me mad, and those beliefs are true. I've tried many times before to escape this insanity, but have failed repeatedly, so I've come to know that I cannot stop the illness but it can stop me. As I lie here awake in my grave, I have come to realize that I am in fact insane, and with this bullet, I can hopefully escape it.

Sincerely Erneut,

I awoke to the icy chilled breeze bursting through my window. I sat up in my bed, wondering how my window had opened on its own-