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I wrote this story when young, it critically needs editing and correction which I'm trying to finish as fast as I possibly can. Either wait with reading it or suit yourself when you get to the 2017-chapters.
adore you,
x Michelle ♡
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"Go home."
I should go home. Enjoy the five minutes without him. Fear the five minutes without him. Be alone. Not be alone but feel alone. Be alone but not feel alone. Never feel alone and not be alone.
You're beyond capable of doing most things alone, there's no doubt in that, but trust me, you'll get so fucking lonely. I swear you'll regret it. If not for yourself then for me.
I did do it for you, where the fuck did it take me, huh? Who regrets it now? I regret the fucking day I met him. I set his funeral's date the second I did.
You pulled him out of the grave.
I dug the grave.
It's-
Not my fault? I know River, it's yours. It's all your fucking fault! You wanted me to befriend him. You wanted Sam. You wanted Duke. You wanted a fucking life. Your fucking life cost us everything! You sold your life and my life and all of these peoples' lives and you had to split into two before you fucking died and relieved yourself from the guilt of being the reason for all of this. It's all your fault River. All of it. You're dead. Congratulations. Congratu-fucking-lations, you made it out.
Alone.
Arlet.....
Every single little privilege and benefit you got growing up. I always envied your life.
I'll always envy your death.
I couldn't even do that.
"Don't tell me what to fucking do."
Screw back my fucking ribcage.
Why's he looking at me like that? I'll hunt down whoever it was that generations back fucked somebody with that look on their face and passed down the alleles for it. I'm about to permanently delete it.
"I'll be on my way, won't take long."
I hate my feet. I hate the earth they walk on. I hate the mass grave they've become for ants. Ants that'll never return to their families. They have something like a beehive that they live in with their population, what's it called? And they all have roles, like bees. One's job is to fill the hole that is the entrance, it has a big, flat head. Or maybe that was just for bees? No, it was ants. Bees can't have flat heads. Ants don't die when they sting. Bees do. But they're essentially the same fucking thing. They sting, you don't care if they live or die after that, you'll kill them. You will. "Don't take anything until I get home."
He talks a lot for someone whom a papercut can kill.
"Don't tell me what to fucking do."
He's unbothered for someone who's served the field for a nuclear civil war. Maybe that's why he is unbothered? Not a cause, a consequence. Maybe they go hand in hand, they usually do. The consequence of one is the cause for two and is then the consequence of two.
